by R. Colleen

Created on: August 26, 2008

I was sorely tempted to drag out a podium and make short work of such a debate topic. Should people have sex before marriage? Absolutely not. Why? Because the Bible says ...

My high school debate coach would have been proud. Instead of relying only on a biblical mandate, I chose instead to look at both sides both logically and secularly. This is such an important topic for our day and age, and not just because of its potential volatility. It is a subject that should not be ignored and is further evidence that we have become an increasingly selfish people!

One opposing argument is that no one can tell me what to do, especially with my own body. It is an individual decision, mine and my partner's alone. The missing part of that equation is that this choice to have sex before marriage involves another person as well as any future relationships you have, not to mention the baggage you carry from old ones. As easy as it may be to justify having sex before marriage, there are, what I hope the opposing side will realize, valid reasons for NOT doing it!

First, generally speaking, once you've done it, you are more likely to do it again. And with various partners. After all, not only is it fun, there is less to lose, right?

Another drawback is that placing sexual compatibility as a "prerequisite" of choosing a life partner is a shaky foundation at best. Believe me, after 26 years of marriage, I'm glad my husband and I have a deeper bond than what goes on in the bedroom. Sex, in my opinion, is devalued when it becomes just another compatibility factor like finances or furniture. We have lost the idea that sexual intimacy is a precious and private act, not of selfishness but rather of selflessness, a giving of the most personal and intimate part of who I am as a person to the one I am willing to love for life. It is the ultimate gift, regretfully a gift I took for granted.

Maybe the problem isn't placing so little importance on sex but rather placing so little importance on marriage. Personally, I don't want society to continue on a path of moral relativism. That's what got us here in the first place.

Do you remember years ago when boys wanted to date the "bad" girls? Some of us "bad" girls were more discreet than others! Remember the ones they wanted to marry? It wasn't the girls who gave sexual favors. When the girl's grip on her boyfriend was failing, sex was used as a chain, especially if she had a pregnancy scare. While that scenario may have changed in recent years,

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