by Santana Moores

Created on: August 25, 2008

Separation anxiety usually shows its ugly face somewhere around twelve and fourteen months. Depending on the child it can develop earlier or in some cases, not many, not at all. Separation anxiety is something that just about every parent will go through. The world is a big place and your child feels scared by this. The problem is that a child don't realize that the parent will come back so therefore they feel hurt by the person that is suppose to be protecting them.

There are two different times that this 'problem' can occur, at night and during the day. Just keep in mind that it is perfectly normal behaviour for your child. It will get better with time, paticens and lots of love.

Nighttime separation anxiety is probably the hardest, due to lack of sleep for the parent. Nighttime leaves your child completely alone and because of this it can be even more traumatizing than daytime separation. It can leave your child feeling anxious and scared resulting in restless nights and possibly sleep problems. This type of separation anxiety is more common in children whose parents, especially mothers, work through out the day. The child feels that he is losing his mother. To ease this feeling try to give the child some pre-bedtime reassurance. Leave the dished until later, give your child a few extra cuddles and some mommy or daddy and child one on one play time. If the child wakes in the middle of the night try a simple 'shhh' and a gentle rub on the back. Try not to stay with him until he drifts off because this can make him dependent on you being there. Leave him calm and sleepy, hopefully he will be out like a light before you return to your bed.

Daytime separation anxiety can get very frustrating. It can occur when you are dropping your child off at daycare or leaving him with a sitter for a few hours. There are different tips for each situation.

Daycares told me, along with other parents, try a trial run. Leave them for a short while at first, thirty minutes, come back and ask them lots of question about what they done and how much fun they had. The next time make it a little longer, this way the child is getting to know that the workers at the daycare are safe and caring people that they can trust. Making a quick escape is often best. Why drag out the unavoidable, you have to leave so leave. Just tell the child you love him and that you will be back as soon as you can.

When you leave him with a sitter and he kicks up a fuss your child is basically trying to get you to feel guilty about leaving him with someone else. You need to stay understanding about his feeling but try not to let him succeed in changing your mind about leaving. Make sure your sitter is reliable, patient, responsive and loving no matter how difficult the child is being. If possible try to get the sitter to come early and play with the child while you are getting ready, this way your child is already deeply involved in something interesting and may not even care that you are leaving. Tell you child in advance that you will be leaving him with a sitter. Trying to sneak out may make him feel like you will leave at anytime and may respond by clinging to you. Make leaving a happy ritual with big hugs and kisses from each of you. Don't make the good byes to long. Keep smiling to reassure him, even if he is crying. If you want to, you can tell the sitter to bring him to a window so he can watch you leave. Give a big wave bye and you can even blow some kisses his way. Make sure you reassure him that you will be back.

I hope that these few tip can save you the heartache and headache of separation anxiety.

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