by Mark Sheehan

Created on: August 25, 2008   Last Updated: November 07, 2008

Every culture has its do's and don'ts, rules of etiquette that separate the learned sophisticats from those who are not of the in-crowd. It's a matter of "how" rather than "who" or "what" or "when", and for all of those who find themselves out-of-the-know, learning just "how" becomes an extreme importance.

Etiquette can be subtle, so much so that locals themselves may sometimes need to carefully think before realising its existence. Usually, to breach it prompts little more than a disapproving shake of the head, though some can have graver consequences. It is for this reason that I have decided to share with you the rules of law that come with drinking a "pint o' plain", as a pint of Guinness, Ireland's most famous beer, is sometimes referred to.

The etiquette which surrounds a pint of Guinness is absolute. Rarely, if ever, will it differ between pubs, although the new-generation super-pubs, which cram a few hundred revellers behind its doors, might sacrifice respect for it in a rush to serve the thronging three-person-deep crowd that often hammers at their bar tops.

Understandably, foreigners regularly fail to adhere to the custom but they are readily forgiven their sins. In fact, the laws are quite simple to remember if you keep in mind one simple key word: time.

In case you hadn't already known, a pint of Guinness is poured in two stages. The first sees the barperson hold the empty pint glass at a 45-degree angle to the tap and the cool black liquid poured directly in (with lagers an initial flow is often allowed to run into the tray beneath before the glass is positioned, but this practice tends to be frowned upon when it comes to Guinness). Note that the glass is only filled to the three-quarter-mark.

There is then a settling' period, which Guinness themselves recommend should be no longer than 2 minutes, during which time you will witness the famous Guinness cascade. DO NOT TOUCH your Guinness while it is settling. You will want to. You will feel your arms reaching out as the waves of white swash folding over the velvet backwash draw a gaping stare, but DO NOT TOUCH!

Stage two begins after the three-quarter pint has settled. The barperson tops up the pint glass before handing it to you. To the uninitiated, this is where the key word is forgotten again, but time is as important here as in stage one. The top-up causes a second cascade, and while this time you are allowed to hold the glass in your hand, it is only when the porter is a solid black mass topped with

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