by Ryter Lore

Created on: August 24, 2008   Last Updated: November 01, 2008

I've always been the dreamer and lover of music. I can still remember how I waited to see the Beatles for the first time when they appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show.

I loved how they looked, how they sounded, how the crowd reacted. But for me it was a little different. I wanted to be them. Especially John Lennon. The way he stood there with his guitar and sang those songs, songs he himself wrote, ah yes, this was the life for me. Unfortunately I was a little girl of five and that dream seemed quite unattainable.

It didn't take much whining though before I was given a guitar that I thought looked like Lennon's when I was about eight.

I taught myself some chords and started writing some songs too. Carly Simon, Carole King, James Taylor, the band America all became my best friends. At least they were in my head. How I wanted to be just like them. But it was just a dream.

Soon dreams had to take a sidestep and real life had to be lived. My creativity literally seemed to dry up. Besides, I suffered from horrible stage freight. How can I be a singer if I'm terrified of singing in public?

I was a closet performer at best. I always figured someday. But someday never seemed to arrive. That was until recently.

The thought of turning the big 5-0 had quite an impact on me. Suddenly life seemed so short and all the times I thought I had more time was up. I wanted to be a singer/songwriter for as long as I could remember, but what do I do?

Luckily, turning fifty has some advantages and seems to make one a bit bolder. I knew I had to overcome this fear. So I went to a karaoke bar.

Nothing like feeling like a fish out of water. I was definitely old enough to be most of the crowd's mother. I was scared out of my wits. Up on the stage in front of a bunch of hard partying kids. What in the world was I doing?

When they called my name I felt the onset of a panic attack. My heart pounded and my hands shook as I took the stage. I almost dropped the microphone. I quickly remembered why I had never done this before. I chose the song "Imagine." Imagine that. The music started and I could feel myself loosing my breath. I felt like I was going to pass out right then and there on stage, but somehow I managed to sing. It was like an outer body experience.

When it was over, to my surprise the crowd applauded loudly! People actually came up to me and complimented me on my voice. I finally understood how Sally Field must have felt when she accepted her Oscar. They liked me! They really liked me! It was one of the greatest feelings I had ever experienced. I had overcome a fear and lived a dream, but that was just the beginning.

Singing my own songs was what I really wanted to do. I entered a local radio contest and sang one of my own songs. To my amazement the crowd liked me. Even more amazing was the fact that I won!

My confidence to move further was quickly growing. I started writing more. The creative juices that I thought had long run dry were suddenly flowing freely again.

I started playing coffee houses. I still can't believe how well I've been received and accepted. At the age of 50 I am finally living my childhood dream. I am actually reaching and touching people with my music.

I'll never know if I had given it my all way back when if I would have made it to the big time. Maybe. Maybe not. But that's okay. I know I wouldn't be the person I am today or have the family or life experiences I have now if I had, and that's just fine.

I'll keep on singing, writing and performing and enjoying this ride though honestly, I never thought I would do this at 50.

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