by Mj Ferruzza

Created on: August 24, 2008

Michael Phelps and his Mom, who was the bigger showboat?

When the possibly down syndrome afflicted, freak of nature
(huge upper torso, Smurf legs) Michael Phelps won his 8 Olympic
medals (by skimming the water in a high tech buoyant deflated
rubber raft), NBC aimed their tear jerking cameras on his
melodramatic and emotionally afflicted mother. The woman, who
looked like she could have come right out from under one of those

huge hair dryers at a 1950's hair salon, mugged and made a plethora
of almost comical "please smash me in the mouth" faces for the camera.
I believed she out mugged even Milton Berle on a slow joke day!
Post gold hoarding, Michael would run to hug her (and his two normal
human looking sisters) due to the fact that the cameras were giving
her more FACE TIME than he. But why not?
I list Michael Phelps camera angles 101.
1. Catch him in warm up sweats, listening to his frickin' Ipod.
Songs of choice? Probably... It's OK to be Different (sung by the kid
in the wheelchair from PBS' Barney and Friends) or Michael Row Your Boat
Ashore (illegally downloaded from one of those travel tapes sold at a
Truck stop Oasis.
2. Swing those gorilla arms. (Maybe whack a French competitor in the process)
3. Swim Race. Underwater shot of possible illegal side kick turns.
4. Touch wall!
5. Scream like a banshee. Pump gorilla arms. Read score. (Pretend to comprehend
its meaning without help from his 5 personal coaches and trainers who could
explain all those numbers afterwards. )
6. Hug dudes.
7. Find Mom. Smirk as she turns and irritates the fools who had the misfortune
of having tickets next to her in the Water Cube.
8. Hug more dudes.
9. Walk around and have EVERY photographer in the building takes pictures of him.
Occasionally keeps US flag from touching the floor.
10. Stands on podium. Looks confused why national anthem words were different
on his Ipod when sung by his purple dinosaur friend.

Now camera angles for his Pig Mother:
1. Mug!
2. "That's my son!" pose
3. "Oh, please God, I am so nervous" pose.
4. Mug some more.
5. Pretend to talk to Michael's sisters, as if they amounted to anything.
Maybe they can marry well.
6. Watch race.
7. Pretend to know what the scoring means at end of race.
8. Mug some more.
9. Act shocked, pretend to faint.
10. Accept congratulations from neighbors, other fans, possibly down syndrome
afflicted son (who climbed to steal camera time during photo op parade)

But where was Dad?
Where would we find Mr Phelps? Here:
http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/beijing/blog/f ourth_place_medal/post/The-mystery-of-Michael-Phelps -missing-father?urn=oly,102215
The mission wasn't impossible!

After seeing Mom and having to hear what a hardship she had raising 2 daughters
and a freak of nature, I remind myself about all divorced dads who leave their
families and never looked back...
I DO NOT CONDONE WHAT YOU DO!
But I understand why you do it!

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