by Marea E. Johnson

Created on: August 23, 2008   Last Updated: December 17, 2009

The custom of having to make monumental decisions for a loved one immediately after their death is, in my opinion, one of the very worst we continue to adhere to in our culture.

How cruel it is, to expect a person in their worst emotional state ever, to make snap decisions for their loved one when they can hardly believe the loss itself!

When someone dies, we are expected to immediately begin making decisions that most likely, we have never made before in our lives.

We are expected to immediately begin making decisions about everything from a funeral home, casket, flowers, burial site, programs, and transportation, to what outfit the deceased will wear. And as if this weren't enough, we then have to figure out how we plan to pay for it all within the next day or two!

Our hearts are broken, our heads are reeling, and it becomes non-stop pandamonium. We have to call family, friends, and associates and search for important papers. We have to write an obituary and submit it to the local paper. We must plan a reception. All of this and still try and attend to our usual daily demands. We have less than a week to not only have all of this planned, but to have it all executed, completed, and of course, paid for in full!

If the deceased has made no provisions, we are now solely responsible, regardless of our ability to pay. You will quickly find out that funeral homes are neither compassionate, nor charitable at this critical time of need. They just want you to pick out the most expensive of everything as quickly as possible. And don't count on them doing anything without first being paid for it, in full.

Most often, the person having to make all of these gut-wrenching decisions is the closest to the deceased, such as the spouse, parent, or adult child, known legally as the "next of kin". Very often, this is the person who is suffering the most, and is in no condition to be making any major decisions, be they financial or otherwise. Sadly, these folks are prime targets for funeral homes to exploit and take advantage of because they are sad, vulnerable, confused, and overwhelmed.

Now obviously, these decisions will have to be made at some point, but must they be made within hours of the person's death? Why can't our governers, or better yet, our president, put in place, a law dictating hospital morgues to hold the deceased for 48 to 72 hours while a funeral home is found? Is that asking too much? And why can't funeral homes give at least another 72 hours to hold the body while a service is being organized and funds obtained? Can't the grieving at least have a moment to catch their breath?

The chance of such a law actually getting passed is probably nil; at least for now. As long as hospitals continue to lose money and funeral homes continue to make it, grieving loved ones will continue to be forced to make some of the most important decisions of their lives while they're the most vulnerable, under the worst circumstances imaginable, and of course, in the least amount of time.

Death is as much a part of life as birth, and we should plan accordingly to help our loved ones get through what will undoubtedly be one of the worst times in their lives. We don't have to be rich, or plan anything fancy. Even if all you can do is write down your wishes on a plain piece of paper, then do that. If you could get a small life insurance policy to cover the costs; even better. Any thing you can do to make that time a little easier for your loved ones will not only be appreciated greatly, but will be remembered long after you're gone.

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