by Doug Burrell

Created on: August 23, 2008

A Letter to my hero, Mike Love, of The Beach Boys

Dear Mike,

How ya been? It's me again, your bestest friend, just checking in. I wrote those stories like you told me to. I'd do anything for you,
anything you asked me to. I'd even sue.

I saw you in concert last week. It was really neat. Bruce sounded really
sweet. Too bad 'bout all them empty seats.

I heard you're 60 today, no way, but that's what they say. Oh well, what

they hey, you look like you did back in the day. And Mike, I really like your hat. Where can I get one like that? It's
really phat. Some people say you ain't got no hair, but I know it's under there, you
just don't care. It just wouldn't be fair if your head was bare. 'Cause, you see Mike, you're a genius and I bet you got a big penis.
But anyway...

Sometimes, when I sing, I hold my nose so I can sound like you. It's
true. But then I turn blue. And then I can't breathe, and the oxygen is cut off from my brain and I
go insane. But I don't mind, 'cause I kinda like the pain.

Oh, by the way, I wrote you a song. Give me your number, I'll play it
over the phone. Don't worry, it's not too long. Oh, and PET SOUNDS, it wasn't that great. I mean, I don't know, but it
ain't no "Kokomo." I know all the words to it, sometimes I play it when I take a sh*t. Not
because it stinks, but because it makes me think. 'Bout all kinds of stuff, like how you had it so rough. I don't know why Brian diss'ed you. And Al, too. I don't blame you for wanting to sue. Now, I'll bet they're missing you.

Well, I got to go, my baby's crying. Oh, you didn't know? Yeah, now I'm a father, Mike. Just like you. 'Cept I only got one kid,
you got 32. Now, me and her mama fight, 'cause I picked a name she didn't like. Oh well, I know I was right. Lots of girls are named Mike.

Well, that's all for tonight. I'll sit here and wait for you to write. Maybe this time you might. Anyway, don't take forever. One more thing, we should be together.

Doug
-

-Mike Love didn't respond to my first letter, so I wrote him another one.
-

Dear Mike

It's me again. That's right, the white guy with a pen. I wrote you before, but you blew me off like I was some kind of whore. But, now I'm writing more and you can be sure it's not like the letter before.

I was your biggest fan, I liked you more than all the guys in the band. I even liked Stan. 'Cause he was your brother and you were the man. But things didn't go like they was s'posed to. I waited for you. I wrote stories for you. I bought those damn shirts that had pictures of you.

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