by CL Schaffer

Created on: August 22, 2008

In the blur of getting married and enjoying the wedded bliss that is the first year, time is spent with each other constantly. Typically, it is an attached at the hip situation where one is always under the foot of the other. This can grow tiresome and annoying at the sametime. I speak from experience as a newlywed, and being married for a bit under 3 years. Our marriage is fairly new, and we have a son added to the mix. Our time spent together has dwindled considerably over the few years we have shared together.

Being dependent on your partner can mean so many things. It could mean being dependent by spending too much time together and smothering each other, or it could be that one spouse supports the other spouse financially. In this case, I admit that I fall under both categories.
I'm a natural loner who enjoys spending time with family rather than friends. It is a natural preference and I think since I am overly dependent on my spouse tha not only does he feel smothered but it bothers us both psychologically. He can't get a moment's of peace at times, and I feel bored when he isn't there. He also supports me financially since I am a stay at home wife and mother. This puts a lot of burdens on the spouse that supports the other.
Being dependent on your spouse can cause a bunch of rifts early in the marriage. This can effect how the marriage is on a long term level.
After discussing this issue with my husband, he believes it does make him feel stronger and more supportive. I assume for some men, this is like they are the Gods of the household taking care of the women. The men work, and the women stay at home.
It can turn into a bad situation when one is taking advantage over the other due to being too dependent. This could mean sweet talking or knowing which buttons to push to get one's way. Granted, I am guilty of both by far!
A good way to break this habit of being too dependent on your spouse is by going out and making friends. It gets you out of the house and away from each other for just a little bit. It also helps to do the shopping by yourself, go to the mall with your children and walk around, apply for a part time job when the spouse is at work, or even take classes at a community college. Being dependent on your parent, in my opinion, stems from not wanting to get out and experience the world. Being too dependent is being sheltered and this can be unhealthy.
Worst case scenario, if either are too dependent then marriage counseling does exist! I also truly works. It is possible that one spouse has a psychological issue causing them to be too attached to the other. This could be caused by fear, life changes, or even depression.

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