We met on the Internet under very unusual circumstances. I was dealing with a stalker who was, or so it seemed, able to control my life, but do it without consequences. I was desperately trying to find someone who would or could help me, but afraid to tell too many people because of his threats. This young man seemed interested in ever aspect of my life. He sent me an instant message, which I cautiously accepted. I think I was so desperate to have someone to talk to, I did not hesitate as much as I normally would have. The first thing he said on his instant message was "Hi, my name is Kurt, can we just talk?" He made it clear right away that he was not some dirty-talking character. He just wanted someone to talk to.
Right away, we hit it off. He was kind and gentle and very interesting to talk to. We had so much in common that it felt like we had known each other forever. I did not tell him my problems right away, but I felt from the beginning that I could trust him. I usually approached all strangers with caution, but this man made me feel safe and safe was something I had not felt for a long time. We would make our own private room and just talk. I would share my poetry with him and he loved it. My poetry was the reason the subject of my stalker came up. It showed I was suffering some kind of abuse. He began to ask me questions about why I was writing about abuse. Never did I suspect that he had an idea of what I was going through. I sure did not know that he knew my situation already.
I had felt so alone even though I had six children at home. This stalker had raped me and beaten me so badly that I was sometimes afraid to sleep at night. I became afraid to go anywhere alone. I began telling my friend, Kurt. He seemed so concerned and I could sense his anger as I typed. He wanted to talk to me on the phone. He said he needed to hear my voice and make sure I was safe. I finally agreed to let him call me. When I picked up the phone, his voice was exactly as I imagined. He had a deep, masculine voice, but a gentleness that sounded through his manliness. When he spoke, it was obvious that he wanted to help me. This was when I found out he was a Federal Police Officer. The problem was, so was my stalker. This is when I wondered if I had fallen into this man's spell. One side of me wanted to hang up, but there was something about him that made me doubt he was the same man.
A few nights later, two men showed up at my doorstep. It was very late, about two in the morning. The older man, more my age, tried to convince me that they were the FBI, but I told him through the door that I was afraid to open it. They even held their badges up to the window for me to see. I explained to him that a man who looked somewhat like him had already hurt me several times and I was not about to take a chance that he was just one of his friends coming to pave the way for him to enter my home again. I explained that I had called the police and they were no help to me. He would always show up with them, holding his badge up behind them. He was always smiling that same wicked smile to let me know that he was in charge. I told them all of this through the door and the front window and he just kept trying to convince me that they were there to help me. I finally gave in and let them in.
When I let them in, he noticed my battered face and realized that my stalker had paid me a visit that very night. This was one reason I was so afraid to let them in. He touched my face, gently and showed compassion. The younger man stood, silently behind him and showed anger as I told him what had happened that night. There was something about this other man that seemed familiar. I wondered why he had not spoken. I stared at him and he realized it, so he came closer to me. The closer he got, the more I felt something between us. As our eyes met, he smiled. "Kurt?" I heard myself say. He nodded and pulled me in his arms. I felt that same safeness I had felt on the phone and on the Internet. I never thought it was possible, but both of us agreed, we had fallen in love on the Internet.
After realizing that he had purposely met me to help me, I thought maybe he did not feel the same, but he made it clear that he did. It was his own brother who was stalking me and they had been suspicious of his activities for some time now. He asked me if he could see me again. He said it would be our first real date. He said he wanted to wait until I felt better and surprise me. He wanted to help me get rid of his brother and hopefully start a real relationship. Because of how young he was, I feared that it would be a mistake at first, but after getting to know him, we both knew our love was special and he wanted our first date to be special, too.
Days passed and his father would stay with me some nights and then he would stay on the other nights, but they usually stayed on the outside, hoping to keep the jerk from getting to me. It became a lot more complicated in the months that followed, but in the meantime, he planned our first date. I had no idea what we were going to be doing, but I knew I loved him and I felt that he loved me, too. I did not worry about the usual things a woman worries about on a first date, but I hoped I could look my very best because he was worth it. He was tall, dark and handsome. He had beautiful blue eyes, but I could see the Indian and even that touch of Mexican that he explained was in his blood. He was fourteen years younger than me, but wiser than most young men his age. I looked forward to our date with great anticipation.
We did not want any trouble from my stalker, so we agreed it would be better if we met somewhere. He decided that we would meet and park my car at his place. We hid my car in the garage behind his house. When I looked over and saw the Harley Davidson, my eyes widened. I had always loved to ride and Harley Davidson was always my choice. I smiled and he was so pleased that I loved riding. I realized why he had told me to wear my jeans. I climbed on behind him, putting my arms around his stomach. He was so tall compared to me. I loved feeling him against me. I could tell he felt the same way. He never commented on my weight even though I was quite a bit overweight and he was so perfect. It was as if his love for me had made him blind. I know my eyes were wide open. He was so nice to look at, but I wondered why he would love someone like me.
He rode us to this beautiful spot on the river. It was called Ortega Park. You could see the whole city from the bridge. There were beautiful rocks that you could walk on and place yourself right on top of the water. He helped me down onto the rocks. He had set up a small stool with a rose in a vase, sitting in the center. He had two glasses sitting on the stool and a bottle of wine was floating in between the rocks in the cool water. He lit the candle and placed a glass globe around it so that it would stay lit. He took my hand and pulled me in his arms. He kissed me for the first time, a kiss that sent goosebumps all through my body. I had never felt this way in my whole life. I knew this was truly the first time I had ever really been in love.
We kissed for a long time, my legs becoming weak beneath me. He held me up and kissed me again. He said he had a surprise for me. I thought all of what I had already seen was the nicest surprise I had ever received. I wondered what more of a surprise he could possibly give me to top that. After sipping wine and kissing again, he helped me back up to where the picnic tables were. He had a nice dinner in a picnic basket sitting on the table. There were fancy dishes and he had brought our glasses and the wine with him. There were people sitting at the other picnic tables, families enjoying their weekend. He did not care who was around. He put on a song I will always hold near and dear to me, "Here and Now" by Luther Vandross. I always loved that song. On that day, it became a part of me.
As the music played, he knelt in front of me and I know my eyes became very wide. He pulled out a ring and took my hand. He placed the ring on my finger and asked me. "Baby, will you marry me?" I loved him so much that it did not matter that this was our first date. I said "Yes" within seconds of his proposal. He pulled me up in his arms and kissed me. The people around us applauded as he began slow dancing with me, singing that song to me. This was the most romantic moment of my life. I felt like I was flying high and that my head was floating in the clouds.
That night, after his proposal, we walked along the river and shared our lives, learning even more about each other. We decided to say vows in the park that night and marry under the stars. Even though it was not on paper, we felt as if our souls and hearts were already joined. We made love that night and never had I allowed a man into my soul like I did my Soul Mate. I had convictions about sex before marriage, but after our vows, I knew we would be together forever. I had never felt loved by someone like I felt loved by him. I had never loved someone like I loved Kurt and probably never will. Our first date was the first day of our lives together as man and wife as far as we were concerned. When we did legalize our marriage months later, it was just the formality to please the laws of the land. In our hearts, we were already married.
This was truly the most perfect first date. Yes, we were married and lived happily until he passed away of a brain tumor last year. Everyday of our marriage was like our first date, new and wonderful. Our passion and love for each other grew and flourished for the twelve years we were together. Most people never share what we did in those twelve years and very few have what we had together. Even though he is gone now, I will always cherish and remember our most perfect first date and all the days that followed.