by Anita Brown

Created on: August 20, 2008   Last Updated: March 13, 2010

The guilt swept over me like the earth was being flooded. I could not see through the clouds of tears in my eyes.Why would I have thought that bringing you into this big cruel world would be a good thing to do. I must be crazy to think you would be happy here.

But, alas, my selfishness yet again over ruled my head in my desire to be a mother. I am so sorry I brought you into a world with all the wars going on.The deaths brought on by the lack of peace here,nothing I ever wanted you to face. The endless need of people to obtain money, regardless of who loses it and goes poor.

I never thought you would have to see people starving in the very neighborhood we live in. The suffering of familes due to lack of employment is staggering. I did not intend for you to see that.

I am so sorry you had to see your best friend die in that crash last night. I never realized that you would have to face losing someone at your young age. I am ashamed of myself that you have to see liquor and drugs. You are on this earth to see all that because I selfishly brought you into the world. I am sorry.
How sad that we have a television for you to see the news about the world in crisis. The many countries living in poverty. The diseases and lack of fresh water actually depleting populations as quick as people are born.

It hurts me to know I brought you into this world knowing there was no cure for cancer. I regret not knowing ahead of time that the disease would inflict itself upon you like a thief in the night. I had to watch you be in pain and fade away to so thin we could barely make out who your were. I am so sorry you could no longer enjoy your food like you used to and run around around with the grace of a dove. I am sorry you lost your vision and could no longer see to paint your beautiful pictures.

Forgive me, please my darling child. You had to die in so much pain, a pain you never would have had to endure if I had not selfishly brought you into this big cruel world. Please know that the love I feel for you is beyond comparison to anything else i have ever felt.

I am sorry. my darling child. I will see you one day in heaven where you will never hurt again for my selfishness. i will ask again for your forgiveness for bringing you into a world that I knew was so full of self destruction.

I am so sorry you died before I could show you that my view of life is not the side with the pain. It is the side of life that is pleasant, calm and no war exist. It is my dreamland that I wanted you to see. Not the reality of what you had to suffer.

I am sorry !

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