by Susie Rider

Created on: August 20, 2008

Often, any heterosexual relationship defined as "sex-only" seems to be considered a somewhat tawdry, superficial affair by most people. In addition, it appears that within this judgment, there's also an implicit assumption of male-to-female exploitation. I do recognize that such a relationship isn't satisfying in the long term for most men and women; I also acknowledge the fact that some men use women sexually. Nonetheless, a "sex-only" relationship isn't always tacky or meaningless; nor is the woman involved necessarily being used as merely a piece of meat by her male partner. In fact, as a woman who has had several "sex-only" relationships prior to marriage, I have to say that such an arrangement can be very satisfying and appropriate at particular moments in one's life. For this kind of situation to work, I beleive that four conditions need to be in place: first, that both partners are at least somewhat-sexually experienced; second, both have some genuine fondness and respect for the other; third, both have had a recent, significant love relationship; and fourth, each must have a well-rounded, fairly busy life.

However, before elaborating on each of these, I should define my conception of a "sex-only" relationship.

Let me start by saying that for me, a "sex-only" relationship isn't the same thing as a one-night stand. As far as I'm concerned, a one-night stand is essentially satisfying an impulse with a stranger, and lasts between three to six hours. After that, one never sees the other again.

In contrast, a "sex-only" relationship is based on some degree of mutual-yet-light affection, and can last for either several months or several off-and-on yearly intervals. But in any case, my experience in such relationships has been that one person calls another about once every two or three weeks for a date; a date which both expect to end in sex. Both people find each other physically attractive, share a sexual chemistry, and are physically responsive to each other. Thus, the sex is very good. Also, they like each other in an easy-going way: there isn't any heart-pounding sexual tension, or stimulating intellectual challenge, or deep emotional engagement... Neither makes the other dream. Rather, they satisfy each other, and that's it. Neither is introduced to the other's family, and if to a friend, it's by a passing coincidence. If one is in a certain "mental place," such a relationship is perfect for awhile.

For example, I had one "friend-with-benefits" whom I'd

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>