by Cheryl Oliver

Created on: August 20, 2008

The other night my husband and I were watching the Reverend from Saddleback Ranch ask questions of Presidential candidates Obama and McCain. When the question about "what stage does a fetus gain human rights" was asked, my husband became upset that Obama seemed a little wishy-washy with his answer. I agree, except I don't have a problem with it. Don't get me wrong, I could never and will never support Barrack Obama for President, but I cannot and will not ever say that the abortion issue is one of a black and white nature. It's full of grey area. Let me also add that being pro-choice is NOT synonomous with "pro-abortion". C'mon, do you really know anybody that is pro-abortion? No one wants abortions to happen, but it's ignorant to believe that there is always a better choice. Even when a woman is married.

The best way that I can explain my position on this exact issue is to share a personal story. I was married once before. My husband was not an American citizen. He was also not a very good person. He was violent and extremely abusive. In the first six months of our marriage, the neighbors called the police more than a dozen times. I had guns pointed in my face, and fired at my car. I suffered a broken arm, a broken nose and collar bone, and more bruises than I can count. I tried to leave plenty of times. He always came after me, and I returned because I believed the threats he made against my family. After being repeatedly raped by my husband, it was no surprise when I became pregant. I instantly consulted with an attorney.

My biggest question was how do I make sure that there is no way this man can ever come near my child. Sadly, I was told that because he had abused me, didn't mean that he would not gain partial custody. He would have to hurt the baby before I could move the court to take away his parenting priveledges. Furthermore, because we were married, he would automatically be named as the father, which gives him instant rights. If we were not married, it could be as simple as my leaving the "father's name" line blank on the birth certificate.

My fears mounted daily. Remember, he was not an American, he had ties and family in a communist country. I worried about how easy it would be for him to take this child away and disappear. I worried about the child suffering terrible abuse. Even if I was able to escape, he could get partial custody or visitation rights, leaving me unable to protect a baby.

I don't like abortions, I vote conservative, I believe in marriage and in honesty. But as a society, we need to recognize that not every situation is clear cut. Before we can start making laws that dictate what women can do with their own bodies, we need to ensure that these same women are properly protected, and given opportunities to make other choices.

My life has turned out well, but I will forever wonder about that child that the law could not help me protect. Requiring spousal consent before a married woman has an abortion is not about protecting family values, but is in fact a dangerous proposition.

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