by Ray Mickol

Created on: August 20, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Letting go of a bi-polar family member. How often have I wanted to do that. The liberation, the freedom. Not caring anymore. Not having to deal with the insanity, the frustration, the anger. Let me have that freedom.
She told me she was bi-polar before we married. How bad could it be? She held a nice steady job for years. Mother of two children. Why, I even knew her for about eight years before we even started dating. We got together because of a problem.

Her son, who was at the time fifteen, was setting small fires around the house. Nothing major yet. The corner of a blanket, the dog's bed, maybe a piece of paper. He put them all out before they became big. She knew that I was a firefighter. She asked me if I would take him to a firehouse and have the guys give him a scared strait sort of talk. I knew there was a better way. I steered her toward her local fire departments juvenile fire setter program. At first she was reluctant. She thought that they would lock up her son or take him away from her. I, along with the firefighters that ran the program was able to calm her fears. She asked me to accompany her and her son while they went through the program. I always liked her as a friend and had known her son since he was a little tike. I was none to happy to do this. Love between her and I blossomed out of this. We were married seven months later.
Shortly after the marriage, the manic episodes began. Cleaning and baking at two in the morning. Gardening at three in the morning only to get up for work at 5:30 A.M. Manic episodes combined with lack of sleep produced confusion. I received many a phone call from her because she was lost and didn't know how to get home. She went to her mother's house a few times, one time at seven in the morning. Her mother has been dead for 23 years. Fights over stupid things, more so than the average newlyweds. Paranoia, accusations all come with the territory.
Her family wanted her hospitalized. My family said walk away. I stuck, so far. We have sought medical help. Our family practice doctor has put her on the right track. Bridge medications along with a recommendation of psychiatric help. So far we have a follow through.
I have no illusions about all this. I know that "love conquers all" is not the answer. I also know the road ahead will be tough. I have had enough of a glimpse to know that things can get better. It will take work and dedication. There might come a time when I have to let go.
Right now, there is no letting go.

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