by Amanda Blake

Created on: August 19, 2008   Last Updated: December 12, 2009

Tall, stunning with her perfect hair and make up, no glasses and the kind of person that sees my confidence disappear and my chat up lines buried in the dust. Even if I start a night out feeling ok, the moment she walks into the bas I feel like a cross between cousin It and one of the Ugly Sisters. This isn't one specific person I'm talking about, but all the women who seem to have the same effect. Even with confidence to burn in nearly every area of life whether it is at work, with friends or halfway through that awkward job interview, there always seems to be one situation where instead my confidence burns out.

Having to approach someone is not just scary, it's bloody terrifying. Particularly when there is a high chance of meeting up again and you're just not sure if the answer to your question will be a yes or a no. Maybe a stranger in a bar would be completely different, at least a repeat meeting should be unlikely, but then it always seems like Ms Perfection appears and I opt for the failsafe retreat option.

Flirting can also be something of a mystery. When everyone seems afraid of rejection, signals become ever more subtle and less noticeable. A few furtive looks may seem to you enough to show interest but if the other person does not realise your efforts may as well be invisible. Subtlety is lost on many people, myself included. A hint could probably be written on a king sized billboard, and I would be looking at the message thinking "are they really interested in me?" In these cases what usually happens is that I end up dithering, wondering if I should speak up or not, and becoming even less obvious (if that's possible). In the meantime the end result is that someone else makes their intentions known, the person who I like responds. They get together and I end up on the bus home alone, heading to a single bed and dinner for one. It's happened numerous times before and even if it hurts for a while, the only person to blame is myself I suppose. Why can't I just be brave enough to speak up, ask someone to meet up and take a chance? Not being a naturally confident person can be hard, as whatever confidence you develop is fragile and can easily be crushed. Every time this happens you become even less inclined to try again, as each rejection or missed opportunity only seems to increase your fear.

The other question is, where do you meet people? Those "single" catches your friends just happen to know are, in my experience, usually single for a reason. These

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