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I would have to say that having been in a marriage for nearly 10 years, I had forgotten the unpredictability and possible meat market aspect of dating. I don't think that necessarily things have changed that much. Initial attraction is often and sometimes disastrously reliant on looks alone. The mode in which these dating communications take place, has changed though.

As an older person with children, suddenly the most convenient and easiest way to meet people was online, and with this comes the uncertainty of not having eye contact and all of the other elements that you rely on when making decisions about people you meet face-to-face.

Having said this, the advantage of meeting people through internet sites means that nominally they are free (although not always) and in the market for a relationship. You can quickly "meet" several people and see whether you get on with any of them.

It has to be said though that the speed, rythym and level of talking through different mediums, IM, phone and email are different to talking to people in the flesh and personality ticks that may put you off could well be present without your awareness of it during either your email or phone chats.

Once you do meet people and hit it off, then in your 30s and 40s generally you have either children or property or other elements of your life which have become important and key in your life that may not have been the case in your early 20s. You could therefore meet someone who is similarly entrenched in their own life and that merging of lives can be difficult and challenging.

Thi is particularly true when it comes to any children you or your new partner may have. You have to make a decision at which point in your relationship that you introduce your children to your new person and what to tell them about them. If you have equal access to your child as I do, and spend half your time without them then this decision is more at your behest. Otherwise, this may just mean your children meeting your dates at an early stage just because they are there when your dates arrive.

In some ways though, having some life experience and knowing what is truly important to you (and this may include someone who will be good at family life) is a bonus. You have already seen what doesn't work in your life and realised that things such as being an early bird or a night owl has far-reaching effects on your family life and its balance of duties when you do have children together.

Learn more about this author, Lesley Rigg.
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