by Josh Greenberger

Created on: August 19, 2008   Last Updated: September 10, 2008

(August 17, 2008) Legend has it that Migel Nostrildamous, a seer of the 1500s, could smell the future. He predicted the 2008 U.S. Presidential race between Barack Obama and John McCain.

Nostrildamous claimed there were two parallel universes, one in which McCain would win and one in which Obama would win. Although he could not clearly see which universe was ours, he gave an amazingly detailed account of the outcome of the Obama presidency.

What Nostrildamous saw was startling. In 2015, after winning a second term, Obama will find himself in a large room being grilled by angry senators ready to impeach him.

This was Nostrildamous' vision:

Senator: President Obama, you were supposed to be the President of change. What happened?

Barack Obama: Well, I believe I did give you change ...

Senator (interrupts angrily): ... Mr. President, we're missing New York! It got nuked right out of our midst. That's not the kind of change we were looking for!

Obama: Senator, I've been saying for years, Canadians have been slipping through our northern borders ...

Senator: ... Canadians had nothing to do with this! Iran was the culprit!

Obama: Is there a basis for this allegation?

Senator: The plane was highjacked by Iranian nationals, the nuclear weapon was carried on board by Iranian diplomats, the bomb's components were manufactured in Iran, Ahmadinejad took responsibility for the attack, and, a day before the attack, the highjackers were invited to Columbia University for a robust debate on the ethics of dropping a nuclear bomb on a populated city if it has an impact on the environment and the caribou reindeer in Alaska.

Obama: You know ... that's an interesting point. You see, Ahmadinejad assured me his nuclear program was strictly for peaceful purposes.

Senator: And you believed him?

Obama: I had no reason not to. In our last meeting he articulated how much he loved the caribou reindeer.

Senator: Mr. President, we can't afford more catastrophes.

Obama: We could've avoided this one.

Senator: And how's that?

Obama: Well, when I asked Americans to inflate their tires ...

Senator (bangs down angrily with his gavel): ... What on earth does this have to do with inflating tires?!

Obama: If you'll let me finish, senator ... (pauses for a moment) I thought you were a Democrat.

Senator: There are no more Democrats and Republicans. There's only one party now - the Damnangrycats (pronounced damn-angry-cats). What's your point, Mr. President?

Obama: Well, as I was saying, when I asked Americans to inflate

• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next Page >>