Picking up the pieces after a relationship failure.
Wow, this is a touchy subject for me. I had to really get my thoughts together on this one. I have had two really big relationships that have been life changing. And in both situations I thought I would not be able to move on. I thought life was over and that I would never love again. How did you pull your life together after such hurt and pain? How do you forget the heartache? How do you untangle your life from someone that was such a big part of it. I mean you and this person moved as one. You shared friends, family, hobbies and sometimes even children. Life seems completely broken and there doesn't look like there is a fix to it. But I am here to tell you that there is a fix. There is happiness after heartache. Believe me I am a true example of life begins when you close the door to sadness and open the door to living.
I was married for 17 years to a man that I thought was perfect for me. But what I didn't see that he was not perfect for me, he was perfect for what I was running from. I was running from the truth. And the truth was not pretty, 17 years of marriage was over and I had to move on.
And while moving on I learned a few things about me, relationships and coping with hurt.
1. Honesty truly is the best policy. You have to be honest with you. That may the hardiest part. No one wants to face that something that you want is over. Admit that you are hurting. Admit that the situation may not have been the best for you. Admit that it's over. That is the first step. Once you have taken it you can deal with everything else. See it for what it truly was.
2. Know who you are as a person. Understand what you want and don't want from a relatuionship. And don't pretend that what you have is right if it is not. Pretending only prolongs the pain.
3. Don't just settle because it is easy. You pretend that you don't see the faults in the other person. You pretend that you like what you don't really like. Then you start to dislike the person because you get tired of pretending when you want to scream, I hate that about you.
4. Deal with your pain. Stop saying you are ok when you know you are not. No one believes it anyway. Deal with the fact that you are hurting and work through the pain. Find out why you are hurting. Ask yourself questions and honestly answer them. Do you really miss the person as a person or do you miss being in a relationship.
5. See yourself as Valuable. You have to like you and see your worth before anyone else can. If you don't like you, how can others like you. Write down the things you like about yourself. And here is the hard part. Write down the things you don't like about yourself. Accept the things you don't like, find out why you do them and then change them.
6. Be Independent. Ok we all know that we are starting over, so truly do that and start over. Do something that you always wanted to do. Join a social group and make a new friend. Find a hobby or don't be afraid to go out alone. You might find out that you like the new you.
7. Don't pretend like the other person doesn't exist. Remember the fun and the laughter. Remember the tender moments, just don't get stuck there. It is the past and you need to leave it in the past. But pretending the person doesn't exist doesn't help you heal.
8. Don't be afraid to love again. Everyone is not going to hurt you. Don't hold what happen to you against the next person that comes along. If you are going to do that then don't date. It is not fair to you or the other person. Why punish them for something someone else did. And why take the chance of not meeting that one special person because you can't let go of the past. The past is dead and buried so don't dig it up.
My final word of advise it to live, love and laugh again. Time will heal the wounds and a new love will help you forget the past.