by Patrick Tay

Created on: August 19, 2008   Last Updated: November 09, 2009

All of us have the ability to identify a good listener after talking to the person for 5 minutes. It's just that sometimes, we are not aware of the fact that we know. I call this phenomenon the "unconscious awareness" effect. The "unconscious awareness" effect works in most aspects of our lives. For example, an experienced driver on the road has a higher probability of avoiding a car accident than a new driver. An experienced writer will be able to identify a good piece of writing among a collection of works by various authors than a writer who is a beginner. An experienced sports trainer will be able to identify the potential among his trainees as compared to a less experienced one. What happens in all these cases is the fact that a person who is more experienced in a certain area or profession will be able to use his or her prior knowledge to assess a particular situation or a course of action better. This usually happens on a subconscious level.

Identifying a good listener is no different. All of us are communicators and have been communicating with various individuals since we were born. Therefore, we already possess whatever skills and abilities that are required to identify a good listener. While this often takes place at the subconscious level, it is still possible for us to discuss the common physical signs that good listeners display since they have a common pattern. Understanding these characteristics will enable us to sift the better listeners from the rest.

It will be good to start with the most important element when it comes to interpersonal communication: eye contact. When we want to communicate with someone, eye contact is essential for success. There is no other way. Even when it comes to public speaking, we will still need to sweep our eyes across the room and maintain eye contact with specific members of our audience to engage them as we speak. There is no avoiding it. It is good to note that the duration when one maintains eye contact with the other party is even more important. Avoiding eye contact at all times will often result in shifty eyes, which is not conducive to active listening or even communicating. Maintaining minimal eye contact signifies disinterest or boredom. Maintaining eye contact for a substantial amount of time while looking away for 2-3 seconds at a regular time interval signify remarkable interest in the speaker and is a mark of a good listener. Maintaining eye contact without looking away is more of an indication of

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