by HL Borden

Created on: August 18, 2008   Last Updated: September 01, 2009

There's nothing quite like getting hit on at a grocery store in the bad part of town at midnight. And it all began because I needed to buy cat food.

I'm standing in the cat food aisle of the local grocery store trying to decide whether I should risk getting less expensive, non-sensitive stomach food for my diarrhea-prone cat. I'm there for a ridiculous amount of time in my slippers and pajamas reading the label on every bag.

From the corner of my eye, I see two "interesting" gentlemen come walking down the aisle. Since my parents raised me well, I politely smile and say hello then go back to my cat food labels. That's the end of that, right? Not quite.

I finally decide upon a bag and head toward the checkout. As I am walking toward the cashier, one of the guys from the pet food aisle is walking back toward me from the opposite direction. I pretty much know what's coming, so I try to avoid eye contact. But that don't stop him, no siree.

He starts talking to me, asking where I'm from, et cetera et cetera et cetera. I don't stop walking to talk to him, but kindly answer his questions while I continue my seemingly never-ending tread to the cash register. His buddy is already there paying for their twelve-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade. I breathe a sigh of relief as they bag their purchase and head out of the store.

Since all I have is a bag of cat food and a Red Bull, my time in the check-out line is short. I fear that these guys may not have made it to their car and left yet. That turned out to be the least of my fears. I walk out of the store, and they're both waiting outside for me. Dun dun duuuuun.

I sort of smile - acting like I'm clueless as to why they are standing outside in the rain - and don't break my stride as I head to my car. Again, this guy has giant balls and doesn't let that stop him. He yells after me, asking if I'm married. I really need to learn how to lie because that would've been an easy out, but I said no. Then he asked if I want to go back and party with him and his Lemonade. I say no. Then he asks for my phone number. I say no.

After I say no to the phone number, the dude starts yelling derogatory comments at me. Since this is all happening in a basically vacant parking lot at midnight and this dude is getting angry and crazy, I couldn't get to my car fast enough.

I don't even wait to put my seat belt .. I screech out of there. I wanted to get away before they got into their car because they, quite honestly, seemed like the type of guys who would follow me back to my apartment. I don't scare easily, but my eyes were constantly in my rearview mirror checking for a tailer all the way home.

They say that grocery stores are great places to meet people. With my luck, though, I only get the crazies.

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