by Danielle Edwards

Created on: August 16, 2008

she doesn't have come out with some crazy things sometimes. My memories of my mother in childhood aren't great but now the bit that I choose to remember put me safe in the knowledge that my mum is completely and utterly nuts.

I remember once sitting watching telly with her, and Sting came on, and she said "You know Sting?", to which I replied "Yeah Mum I know Sting" and she told me that, and I quote "Can go 24hrs just like Sting". Which is great for her but I don't need to know what she gets up to in the bedroom with my step-father, she always gets silly after a couple of glasses of vino.

Another example of a sort of 'too much information' situation. My husband and I had been trying for a baby for a few months and my mother called me up and said "Where's Ian", I replied "At a Magic Tournament" (Magic: The Gathering is a Trading card game), my Mum laughed and said "He should be at home making some magic between the sheets with you". How totally and utterly cringeworthy!

I also recall an ocassion when we were on holiday in France and she was a bit tipsy, she started to sing the Shoop Shoop song by Cher, with a rose in her mouth and her leg over the bannister.

My mother would never accept the fact that I had did any house work. Every night when I got in from school I would hoover and dust and she would come in from work "Have you hoovered?. Have you dusted?", "Yes Mum", "No you haven't". I eventually gave up, it was a waste of my time. She is still stupidly house proud now, she breaks into our house when we aren't here and cleans it. We can tell she has been in because the whole house stinks of bleach and there are hoover marks all over the carpet and usually we can't find anything.

My mum is a total gossip too, if anyone is having an affair or put on weight my mother will know and she is more than happy to spread the news.

She can't cook! When I lived at home I had a diet of tins of soup and crisp sandwiches!

She always gets her words mixed up, and was convinced my friend was doing a degree in Astrology, when it is inface Archaeology!

She has been married three times and had countless affairs, but I dont mind. She is still my mum at the end of the day, I think she gets more crazy by the day, has more insane stories to tell. All my memories of her marriage to my father consist of her calling my Dad a 'fat get' which as you can imagine isn't pleasant. It wasn't funny at the time but I look back and I can laugh about it now. Their marriage was never going to work!

She is an amazing lazy! And I wouldn't be without her!

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