by Calvin Robinson

Created on: August 16, 2008   Last Updated: December 17, 2008

Adultery is forgivable but that does not mean all people are able to forgive it. To suggest one should forgive adultery is beyond reason as much as someone actually committing the act. I believe all adultery should be forgiven, but I do not also believe forgiving adultery means that marriage should always continue.

Some people will say they forgave adultery, but continue to beat down the offending party by reminding them of the offense constantly. If you can not also let the offense go, simply saying you forgive will not allow the marriage to get back on track. In this situation it would likely be better if the marriage was dissolved.

I do not take marriage lightly and think all couples should try to work out their differences even when it involves an affair. I also think an affair is one of those events which is justification for ending the marriage. Just because I think it is justification does not mean I also think it automatically should be the answer.

Some partners and situations are such that working out differences over an affair can and should happen. Other partners and situations are such that trying to work out these differences would be impossible. For one thing, the offending party must truly be remorseful as well as repentant. Even in the best case scenario, the couple will need special counseling and honest cooperation in healing the marriage. They both must truly love each other and want to heal the marriage at the highest level for that to occur. Both parties must be able to totally get over and heal all aspects that caused and resulted from the affair to make the marriage continue to work.

Affairs are not always a simple case of a lustful partner seeking sexual satisfaction. In fact there are usually complicating factors that preclude every affair and may actually be the main reason events progressed to the point one partner actually committed this terrible trespass. Honest exploration and discussion of issues surrounding the actual act of adultery must happen to fix the things that are wrong in the relationship. This is the only way to have any hope the same thing will not happen again. This means both parties must have the highest levels of character, judgement, communication and affection. The very fact that the affair happened in the first place, means at least one or even all of those factors may not exist in the relationship.

If one or both parties do not truly desire to work these issues out, I believe even trying to do so is pointless. At

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