by Miss Mars

Created on: August 15, 2008

Inside I feel empty....It almost feels as though someone wrung me out like and old dish cloth. I have had enough! No more goodbyes and tears and people saying they wish I wasn't going, sometimes I wonder if they are even for real. I mean where were they all those times I was closed into my apartment depressed? As the minutes tick by I realize that my time here is coming to an end. Tomorrow at this time I will be on the road headed to California. Goodbye Jacksonville Florida I hope to not run into you again. Now all that's left for me is to drive west where the dreams are.

Outside I can hear the soft mumble of voices and the wind carries it away as I look out my window at the gray sky and the trees hovering over me. Life goes on and on and we just go along with it, storms and sun, life and death and always there is some way to deal with everything even when it seems impossible. I said my goodbyes already and now it is time to remember these times, now it is time to watch them fade away and a new chapter is beginning. I keep wondering what that empty feeling is?

The emptiness moves through me, it consumes me as I sit on my apartment floor because my couches are on the moving truck headed west. All that is left now is for me to get going, to hold things together inside, to remember the things worth remembering. I wonder if I ever did anything worthwhile the years I lived here? I made friends and I worked, I traveled to the middle east and I struggled in a mans world. Now I have those official government orders to go west, to keep living th American dream, to keep serving in our countries Armed Forces. I am a Navy girl, that is all I can say...

Sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it and there are times I am sure it is but other times I look inside and I see that I could've done more. I can do so much more! I want to become a nurse and travel the world, i want to write a book, I want to live in a house by the beach. It has got to have french doors opening to the ocean so I can have tea and fall asleep listening to the waves. I am not going to give up on myself. One good thing I have got is time on my hands. I know I may have wasted some but there is still some left. Precious time that sit's sacred in my hands

Tonight I sit in Jacksonville and I know it is my last time here and I know I am sad and that I will miss some and that I will remember it forever. There is a world out there and it is waiting for me to continue to explore it so I have got to go now, goodbye goodbye or maybe if you are lucky Jacksonville I will see you later....

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