Talking dirty to a partner is not something that comes naturally to most people. It seems awkward and embarrassing; at least it did to me. However, I have come to learn that a bit of dirty talk can not only improve a relationship, but can in fact be necessary. At first, I was completely against the idea. Just the thought of engaging in a little dirty chat was enough to cause me to blush the deepest shade of red and stammer incoherently whilst thinking of some possible change of subject.
The situation I find myself in now has forced me to realize that dirty talk can be necessary to a good relationship and have grown to absolutely love it. One instance, and the one I am in, would be a long distance relationship. When 7,000 miles separate you from your partner, you do not have the benefit of being physically intimate. Yet that physical intimacy is important to a functional and healthy relationship. Everyone wishes to feel wanted, both physically and emotionally.
The first time my boyfriend mentioned that he'd like me to talk dirty to him on the phone, I could not fathom how I could possible do such an embarrassing thing. After all, as I'm sure we've all heard, ladies do not behave in such a way. Eventually it was decided that I would try the next time we spoke, and my answer was just as surprising to me as it was to him. As soon as I hung up, I panicked. What on earth do you say? What do you do? How do you make something like that sound sexy at all?
The entire next week was spent thinking up some of the things I could potentially say and practicing saying it to myself. Even then, I could not get over the embarrassment and knew this entire idea would be an epic failure. Being stubborn however, I was determined to try anyway because I had given my word that I would. I tried using different tones and pitches, trying to find one that worked. Practicing talking dirty in a foreign language was also fairly commonplace that week.
Judgment day finally arrived, and I was desperately wishing that my boyfriend would have forgotten my promise. He had not and mentioned it an hour or so into the conversation. Taking a deep breath, I blurted out exactly what I had worked out over the laugh week and promptly proceeded to start laughing hysterically. Not exactly what he had in mind I am sure, but he humored my discomfort and went along with it. Within ten minutes I was spewing the sexy talk like a pro.
It truly was amazing how his reactions and responses to what I said decreased my discomfort with it. Within a week or two, I found myself looking for excuses to start up the dirty talk just because I knew how he would react and how desirable and wanted that made me feel. We have discovered things that excite us both as well as things that are mutually not enticing. Sexy talk can be used as more than just foreplay, although this is the most common and perhaps the most fun application. In the case of a long-distance relationship, like mine, it is essential in providing the physical and emotional intimacy that you cannot get any other way between visits.
Yet through it all, there are several things I've learned about the art of dirty talk that cannot be discounted. Practice does in fact make perfect, and not just to work out any discomfort. Practicing will help you get the tone, pitch and speed that will make your partner crazy. If you're not comfortable with talking about something in particular, then don't. But make sure you tell your partner why it makes you feel awkward or why that subject just doesn't work for you. You don't necessarily have to be vulgar to be sensual. Comments like, "Oh I was quite distracted in the shower this morning." and following up with "It's a secret." when asked what you were distracted by, can be more sensual and enticing than being vulgar. Creating an air of mystery around yourself can make it all the more fun.
Finally, but certainly most important, let your partner respond before moving on to your next comment. That will make it more fun for the both of you. Get out there and get practicing. There is much more of a benefit to dirty talking than just in the bedroom. Only trying it will let you find out what they are.