by Diana Peyton

Created on: August 15, 2008   Last Updated: August 31, 2008

So you think you are planning a great party but when your guests open their invitations, R.S.V.P. looks like the flashing neon sign for the "Bates Motel" from the movie "Psycho." Many of them are frozen with fear and compelled to calculate a way to say no and run from any awkward pre-party chance meetings until the date passes.

Some people will avoid social situations and decline any invitation, but others who RSVP "no thank you," (about half), may be doing so because they have experienced a bad host. Creative excuses for declining abound and range from heart transplants and sudden deaths in the family to forgotten three-week vacations. Oblivous to their fears, you are out buying color coordinated balloons, napkins, and having a long chat with the baker who will slather the guest of honor's photo atop the cake in butter cream frosting.

There are some actions you can take, which cost nothing but time and energy that can make your party a success in just seven simple steps. Let's assume your guests couldn't come up with a good excuse, said yes, and are at your front door. Start with a great welcome and "be" at the party.

1. Be watchful. Never leave a new arrival to fish for common connections alone. Each guest needs to be welcomed. Conduct brief but friendly conversation to connect new guests with those who have already arrived Bring guests together during introductions; "Sam, this is Philip. Philip used to live in your hometown. He moved here recently found a job at the local University. Philip, I know you will enjoy hearing about your hometown and the latest changes. Sam visited there last month on vacation."

2. Be aware. Make sure you know what effect you expect your guests to have on one another. Can you anticipate good discussion or true conflicts? Is there a guest of honor or is this more of a mixer? Will the personalities of those you invite create the energy you are looking for or will there be a feeling of floating tension all evening?

3. Be available. The responsibility of a host is hospitality. Finish preparations one half hour before guests are expected. Greeting arrivals at the door is a mere act of kindness, not the final touch to a gathering. Show/tell guests where to put their coats, find the powder room, offer food and beverages, and point out areas you have planned for partygoers to enjoy on the premises, i.e. pools, decks, backyards, and living spaces.

4. Be prepared. Being a good host means livening up the group not just with food and beverage but also with interaction among guests. Plan icebreakers and games if necessary that will help guests to relax with one another. Have necessary items on hand to discretely clean up spills and mishaps on clothing and furniture. Keep a table placed near the door for hospitality gifts. Do not open anything unless a guest insists on you sharing it with others. A simple "thank you" is appropriate, and then focus your attention back on to the guest. You can open gifts later and send a longer thank you note.

5. Be yourself. Your guests have come to enjoy your company and meet others who have a connection to you. Accept complements with grace rather than a long explanation of how hard it was for you to find that one ingredient that made the dip so savory. Remember, you are at work to be available to as many guests as possible through the entire event.

6. Be thankful. Your guests have taken time from their lives and have accepted your invitation. Tell them so when they arrive and when they leave. If they feel as if they are the reason you threw the party it will be touted a success!

7. Be ready. Complements are sure to follow.

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