Talking dirty in the bedroom can definitely improve any relationship. It did mine. It might be a little uncomfortable at first when your relationship is new but it is worth it to try and overcome your shyness.

However, you do have to be in tune with the mood of sex to know what to say and when to say it. If you and your partner are in a gentle, loving mood and taking time to enjoy each other then its best to keep everything in a low soothing tone. If it's a rough quickie in the backroom before your party guests arrive then a harsh voice and some nasty dialogue can be an incredible turn on.

In our case if we have time and no children to interrupt us then setting the scene can play a big part in improving atmosphere so a little dirty talk comes more naturally. It's a lot easier pretending to be a young girl being ravished by a dirty old man if you have time to put your hair in pigtails and dig out your high school cheerleading uniform. Do not waste time asking why we keep these things. We just do.

My husband and I have always enjoyed talking during sex. I am not sure if we could stop talking during sex. It has helped our relationship over the years to understand one another better and what we like and dislike. It has brought us closer together and made us less inhibited about our bodies. We are completely unselfconscious with each other in a way that only time and honesty can bring to a relationship.

Talking dirty during sex has never been a problem for my husband. He has always enjoyed being vocal. I like to tease him and say that he is the screamer in our relationship. The one problem that we have had in the past is how to convince him that it does matter what you are saying during sex.

"Thatta girl" is not sexy. I don't care what tone of voice you are using when you say it. I am sure I have heard him say that to our dog more than once and I am slightly offended whenever he says this to me.

"Yeahhh, Baaabbyy" will always remind me of Mike Myers as Austin Powers and the urge to laugh is almost overwhelming. Not sexy at all. So my dilemma was not in trying to get my husband to talk dirty but to gently change what he chose to say when he was talking dirty.

This was made much harder by the fact that he does not care at all what I say when talking dirty. He cares only about the way I say it. I can recite the grocery list as long as I do it in a breathy Marilyn Monroe voice.

It's never a good time to criticize too harshly or make fun when you are actually engaged in sex. It can feel to personal even if you have a great relationship. If you want to suggest a change or something that you happen to dislike, the best time to do it is when you are completely clothed so your partner does not feel too exposed or vulnerable. We always approach everything with humor so I made a few suggestions on what he might say instead of things that made me want to fetch the ball.

He took it well and we shared a good laugh. He had not even realized that he had said those things before and promised to try to be more aware of what he was actually saying. He has made a valiant effort to do this and although sometimes he still slips up just the fact that he is trying is endearing and sexy.

Now if he could only get that Scottish accent right.

Learn more about this author, Marsha Sigman.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about How talking dirty improved my relationship?
We want to hear your view. Write now!