by Hannah Rice Myers

Created on: August 15, 2008

Life with a pre-teen girl is like walking through a living room filled with land mines. One wrong step and you're as good as gone. Not only is this the time bomb you feel like you're living in, but this is also how they feel inside. You must prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for these explosions and have the first aid kit ready to bandage not only your wounds, but their's as well.

I am not what I consider to be a naive parent. I realize that our children are under incredible pressure in today's society to fit in with their peers and be cool. It is not much different than when we were their age, with the exception of wanting this pierced or a boyfriend at what age? How about belly shirts and bikinis or wearing make-up at ten? Then of course there is always the dreaded "s" word; sex. So while the desire to fit in may not have changed, the age at which this is taking place and the activities they need to participate in to make it happen certainly have. When we as their all knowing and wise parents step in and say the "n" word (yes, I mean no), this is where the problems arise.

For me it has been an even more difficult task. My pre-teen is my step-daughter who only recently came to live with us. Does she have respect for my authority? HA! Only if I agree with what she wants. What it is worse is that I am extremely old school. She is eleven and expects us to let her wear a bikini. She has requested that we buy her make-up and take her to get her belly button pierced. In addition she has an attitude of someone who is already grown and has spoken back to me many times as if I were lower than the dirt on her shoe. Many nights I pulled my hair out of my head and prayed to God for forgiveness (you can't help but have some bad thoughts when you're constantly being disrespected), and then I prayed for Him to help me find a solution. I finally stopped talking long enough to listen to what He had to say.

Children need to know that they can express how they're feeling. If they can't express themselves verbally, then they will do it through their actions. My step-daughter didn't receive enough positive attention from her own mother and I know this. As much as I have tried to show her that I love her, she has resented me for the rules I have put into place. She doesn't yet realize that these rules are here because I love her. Most importantly though, I needed to stop talking at her. I needed to stop being her dictator and convey to her that she could open up to me. The

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