by Christopher Kendalls

Created on: August 14, 2008

When you first get married you never think about the possibilities of being in a sexless marriage. Particularly if you two never lived together. When you have been with your partner for about 2 years or more chances are you are still at a point where you two hook up often, if not for just those times that you see each other. You are still somewhat slightly over having seriously crushed over that person, being infatuated with them and the novelty of sex makes not having it in the relationship seem like an impossibility.

I'm not saying that people that actually waited for marriage to become physically intimate with each other do not suffer problems of their own. This is more about the inevitability for the possibility of going without sex to enter into the picture. Things happen; both you and your wife are in the relationship that you want to be in guilt free, and technically seeing that it is no longer a sin you would think that you would be free to have as much sex as you want.

Yet the exact opposite tends to happen; we want what is forbidden and what we have to sneak around to do and go out of our way to do. Sex now being a perfectly legitimate part of the relationship we're at a crossroads. Sure we can have sex, but wouldn't it be the same thing as before? One person wants the other to do something they're not totally comfortable doing; the other wants to express themselves in their own unique way they're not sure that their partner would be receptive of. Both partners tend to make assumptions about the whole ordeal and put it on the back burner.

It starts off slowly; having sex frequently throughout the day turns into once a day. Once a day turns into sex that is at a good time for one person but not a good time for the other. Tolerable sex turns into weekly sex and before you know it weeks if not months go by before you even start to think about having sex, well not exactly.

You start to generalize and rationalize sex from a hypothetical standpoint. No one wants to outright think or daydream about another individual on the outside but everyone else must be having fun because while you do enjoy the companionship that you have with your spouse, you don't necessarily want to have sex with them. What we often forget is that sex never really stops, it is just what we choose to do with those feelings that does change.

We can start having sex again, which we absolutely should at that point, at least open up the topic for discussion. Or you can start having emotional

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