by Don Eckman

Created on: August 14, 2008

Marriage. The union of two people for as long as they live, till death do they part, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in heath, inspired by pure and unconditional love. Ideal, isn't it? But idealism is fiction. Even optimism can be a far stretch at times. To quote another adage: "Love is blind." Yes, and it specifically blinds us to the faults in the object of our affection, bringing us to say things such as 'they're perfect,' or 'they're the most _____ person in the world,' and even 'I can read their thoughts,' and believe them wholeheartedly. Wholeheartedly while dancing a jig, even. But while these words may please the ear and thrill the mouth, they're not quite true, are they? A little dolled up, yes? Being aware of that is the first step toward getting beyond those lovey-dovey head-over-heels first steps of love, the easy, almost automatic ones, and into the true depth of the emotion.

Consider the ideal (and this time not false, I hope) inspiration for marriage. Unconditional love. That no holds barred qualifier extends to the institution itself; a proper, well matched and well planned marriage will be able to survive any condition. Flag that as I go back to love for a moment, and how the emotion conflicts with the institution. Love is an emotion, irrational by nature, highly resistant to having its course from our hearts through our veins to our brain charted. Love at first sight is more than a fairytale or even a pipedream. It's probably the most common spark: we see something we like, an action, a statement, an appearance... and it affects every thought we have about that person from then on toward affection. Beaten and blushing spouses alike both love their partners. A new crush and a five year commitment can bring an equal zing to the heartstrings. We can even love inanimate things, knowing there is no chance our feelings will be returned (and love for uninterested people, oh, don't even get me started). Hardly rational... not the sort of thing you'd want to trust the rest of your life with, is it?
Yet we do, and we have been, since time immemorial. Marking love as the silly thing it is does NOT diminish its value. If anything, it increases it. 'I know this is stupid, but I love you, so I'll do it anyway. You deserve it,' beats 'you got it! Whatever you say, darlin'!' in my book. A little debate is good for a relationship. It helps us understand our partner, shows respect for their mind, and actually deepens that respect most of the time.
To the core of it. Marriage is for life, serious business. If not taken seriously, meaning lacking in planning beyond the honeymoon, it has great potential to come crashing down, toppling the family it was made of in the process. Personally, while working out a prenuptial is an organizational hassle, I'd consider it more of a romantic gesture than a threat. It is a clear sign that this person takes the relationship very seriously, and isn't just saying they want to be together forever, but that we -will- be, if they have anything to stay about it. Untraditional romance, perhaps, but romance nonetheless.
If prenup discussions are threatening to your relationship, I submit that your relationship needs some polish, at least if you're going to be considering marriage. Forgo the contract and keep your relationship where it is for now... once you're married, there are many more threatening negotiations and compromises in the future.

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