by mary-claire

Created on: January 08, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

I never dreamed that I would move back to my little hometown after graduating from college. . . and much less that I would EVER move back into my parents' house . . . But, that's exactly what happened when my plans for graduate school came to a screeching halt in September of 2006. I packed up my things and flew home from New York not knowing what to expect, and hoping that the move back into mom and dad's house would be very very temporary.

It's not that I don't like my parents. I do! I LOVE them! It's just that when you're 22 years old it's time to grow up and be on your own! It's easier for your parents to see you as an adult when you're acting like one: paying your own rent, cooking your own meals, looking after yourself. Things get complicated and confusing, though, when you try to be an independent adult and still live with mom and dad. They want to know where you are, who you're with, what time you woke up, what time you came home, why you were out so late, why you stayed up until 3 AM, what you watched on TV, who you called, what you ate . . . and if you're like me, you sometimes don't feel like telling them everything they want to know. It's not that the things you did are bad, it's just that you want to look after yourself because you are an adult even if you are still living at home. If you lived somewhere else, they wouldn't care about all these things. In fact, they wouldn't even wonder about half of them.

The best reason to live at home is to save money. You have to wonder, though, if it's worth it to sacrifice you're mental and emotional well-being. If you have enough money, my advice is to move out as soon as you can. Your relationship with your parents will be so much better once you get some space from them. If you can't move out, though, here are some essential survival tactics:

1. get a job. When you get a job, you gain two major things: a) you can start saving money so that you can eventually move out, and b) you will have an excuse to be out of the house for at least 8 hours of the day.

2. get some friends. In order to survive living at home as an adult, you're going to need friends that you can hang out with after work. You might even find some potential roomies.

3. Get a "hang-out" spot that's not your house. Barnes and Noble, Starbucks, any place where you can go and chill with your computer or a book for a few hours simply to get out of the house.

4. Get a gym membership. This gives you yet another excuse to be out of the house. You'll wind up with a healthier body and mind!

5. Save up your money. . . so that you can eventually move into your own space.

After you've done these things, and are still living at home, it's important to be courteous and to give your parents the respect and consideration that they deserve. Thank them often for letting you back into their home. Clean up after yourself. Do your own laundry. Do the dishes. Keep your room tidy and offer to help out with chores like walking the dog, cleaning the kitchen, taking out the garbage, dusting, vacuuming, cooking meals every now and then, etc. Write your mom and dad notes to let them know how much you appreciate them and how hard you're working to get on your own two feet. Talk to them and tell them what's going on in your life and what you're working on.

Who knows? When they see how hard you're working towards your goals, they may offer to help you pay for an apartment, or even for grad school (I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for that one!) But I can almost guarantee that if you try a few of these things, your relationship with your parents will improve and living at home will be much more bearable.

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