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If this isn't the ultimate in weird neighbor stories, I don't want to live near the winner. I first noticed my neighbor's unusual activity shortly after moving into the house in May. It was early one morning. I had started my coffee and looked out the large picture window in my dining room that overlooked my wooded back yard. First, I noticed a large white-tail buck lying in my back yard, a nice site. Then I saw him turn his head toward my neighbor's; of course, I did also, to see what caught his attention.

First, I noticed their dog running along the fence line. Then I saw HIM. What first caught my attention was that his shorts were so short, his butt cheeks were exposed. NOT, a very nice site. Then, I noticed his shirt was tied at the waist. I was reminded of Mary Ann from "Gilligan's Island" walking through the tropical jungle. Maybe that's the fantasy this guy was acting out.

He walked to the back of his property and I stopped paying attention. I was sitting in the dining room a while later when I saw him walk towards his house. His shirt tail was hanging down; he was wearing the same shorts, but not so much skin showing. I could now see they were normal, boxer or lounge shorts, only earlier he had had them hiked up his butt crack for that hot pants look.

Now, here's a little back ground information. This is not some reclusive, single guy next door. It's your, apparently, typical, American family: husband, wife, 2 kids and a dog; except, the husband likes to prance around in the back yard with his shirt tied at the waist and a self-inflicted wedgie! And you haven't heard it all, yet.

Over the summer and into the fall, I noticed this several times. Always the same, he walks from the house in that state of dress, goes to the back of his property, stands there amongst the trees, smokes, wiggles his butt. After a while, he walks back to the house, looking like a normal guy, who was just walking around his back yard in the morning.

Many thoughts passed through my head and my partner's. This became the topic of conversation and speculation at dinner parties. Theories passed back and forth: Is he a closet cross dresser? A closet homosexual? Does he think no one can see him? Does he want someone to be watching? Should we just be amused? creeped out? or worried?

The activity seemed to stop as winter approached. We are in the Midwest, and I suppose "Marry Ann" would not be comfortable walking around in her short shorts if the jungle didn't feel tropical. Or would she? It was late in December, on a Sunday morning, the temp was somewhere around 0F. And there he comes, wearing a jacket, boots and what looked like a green thong! Now, this starts up again, every Sunday, he walks across the snow, in mostly sub freezing weather. I remember one time checking the temperature after seeing him: IT WAS -19F OUTSIDE! And this guy was wiggling his exposed butt cheeks around in his back yard!

Yes, the story can and does get more strange. However, I'm not going to tell the rest here. Use your imagination. I'm sure you're not far off track. When it comes to creepiness, this guy has set the bar high! And, I do have pictures. If he EVER steps out of line, his wife is going to find out what a weirdo she married, and I'm sure his coworkers (I know where he works) will get a good laugh :-)

Learn more about this author, Terry J D.
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