The Inner Thoughts of a Fourteen Year Old
Young teenage girls are a cauldron of seething emotions. We never know from minute to minute whether we are going to confront the comfortable and happy girl that likes to cuddle or the screaming, crying creature who shouts "I hate you forever." With hormones careening through their bodies, living with the young teenager is like riding a roller coaster.
What on earth goes through their minds? Are they thinking or just feeling? Goodness knows you can't ask them. Sullen has nothing on a fourteen year old that feels that you are prying into their business. Occassionally, if we're lucky, we get a brief glimpse into what's going on.
We often say that things are so different, more difficult for kids these days than when WE were kids. Yet, they are still going through the same emotional mess that we went through, think similar thoughts and eventually come out on the other side and turn into reasonable adults.
However, if you're living with a young teenage girl, or work near or with them and have forgotten what it's like to be that young or are just trying to figure them out, the following free thought, free form exercise written in a moment of self reflection may help. You will see that it is typically angst ridden and full of drama and all centered on the speaker, completely self involved as only a young teenager can be.
While reading this, you will also see how the writer flits from thought to thought and emotion to emotion. She skitters and jumps and emots wildly. Only the young can think and feel like this. An adult's brain would explode if it had to do this day in and day out. It really is no wonder that you never know if you're going to talk to Jekyl or Hyde, because they don't know who they are going to be from moment to moment either.
Do note, this was done off the cuff, with no thought given to punctuation or sentence structure. The writer just sat down and wrote her feelings of the moment and is published in it's original form.
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The girl who stands alone, eats alone, and is friends with herself.
the girl that hates who she loves, who likes who she is hated by,
who watched those 3 girls, soon to be 4 who used to be her
friends, laugh at her. The one called emo, though she has never cut
herself, the one who really hates no one, but herself, the one who
is not scared of death, but of life, the one who stares out blankly
at the world, while her life spins, the one who, while they run from
the rain, she walks in it and she enjoys it, as it hides her tears. The
one who knows nothing but pain, the one who watches him with the
girl he really loves, the one who cries for him every day, the one
who waits in the middle of the street and waits for a car to come
hit her and take her life, the one who knows not to wait for the
storm to pass but has learned to play in the rain, the one who is
secretly sad inside, while the whole world thinks she is smiling, the
one who hides her talent, so she can sing in silence without an audience,
the one who rarely walks, but gracefully dances through
life, the one who has seen worse times than anyone her age, the one
called a band geek, but loves her music, the one who makes
her flute cry out for her, the one who ignores, the words that stung
her heart, the one who loves the darkness, and who sighs at the light
the one who does not dream, for the fear of it not becoming
reality, the one who's nightmare, is when she is awake, the one who gives
advice, but never listens to it, the one who helps but hates being
helped, the one who is different than who you see on the outside
the one who dresses in black but is not goth, the one who
who watches movies and wishes to be in them, the one who hears music
and is always singing along, the one you see standing alone... Is me.
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