by Barbi

Created on: August 13, 2008

My daughter Faith is about to turn 5 this week (Aug 16th, 2008). In the past 5 years, she's lost her Papa (my father) and 3 dogs, one of while she still cries for regularly.

We had visited a friend of mine in the hospital this past June. This friend had some surgery, nothing too serious, but it was evident that visiting her had provoked the thoughts of loss in Faith's mind.

As we drove home Faith wanted confirmation that anyone can die, including kids. As I choose not to shelter her from the realities of the world, I indeed confirmed she was correct.

We began to discuss death as a very light topic.

Because she is in a daycare where topics of such nature are considered sensitive ones, I had to remind her that not all people are able to cope and deal with death easily. I explained that even though she can speak with me about death, it would not be wise to talk to just anyone outside of family about death as we were speaking.

I went further into explaining how I miss my father very much, but that I know one day, I too will go to heaven and be able to see him again. I told her that not all people are able to handle their loved ones dying easily. That people do what is called 'mourning' and sometimes are very, very upset by death. I explained that we are all born, then we live with a purpose of which we aren't necessarily aware of, then God decides if we've completed our mission or purpose, then He takes us to His home in Heaven.

She thought it was interesting that we would one day be reunited with our passed loved ones. She says, "well Mommy, if you miss Papa, you can just die and go see him!"

My response then was, "well, yes, I could, but then I wouldn't be able to see you and I'd miss you."

"But I can just die with you Mommy," was her reply.

Her sincerity was pure and innocent. Clearly, at the age of 4 years old, she cannot begin to understand that her approach was not a logical solution. I had to think fast of something simple, yet something that would impact her.

"Well Faith, it's like this. God's home is not for visiting. When you go, you don't come back. And when you go, you can't go without an invitation from Him. And though you may believe that we're always welcome in Heaven, it's not that we are not, but we are not welcome until God says it's our time to go there. Faith, you know how if Mom's company shows up early I get upset if I haven't had a chance to finish cleaning and preparing for their arrival?"

She confirmed she knew this.

"Well, it's the same thing with God's home...He too would get upset with you or I for showing up before HE decides it's our time to go Home, and He will surely let us know when that time is."

Conversation closed.

It's very odd how we begin to understand death at a young age. I don't really remember how I grew into understanding it, or understanding the permanent loss, but it happened early in my life. At the age of 4, I had lost my father's mother a.k.a. Nanny. Faith was only a month short of turning 2 when my father passed away, yet she still remembers him clearly. I myself didn't lose anyone close to me again until my father passed in July 2005. Because I lack experience with death and mourning I had worried about how I would pass on logical and positive grieving methods to my daughter.

However, it appears through our conversation that day in the car that she was able to say the necessary things that initiated the response I gave her.

First Birth
Then life's purpose
Then death

We are all on different paths that are heading in the same direction.

I believe it's better not to sugar coat it in any way no matter how old the child is. It's not the experience that will sabotage each of us, it's the outlook we have on life and death.

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