by Edgar Craven

Created on: August 12, 2008   Last Updated: August 13, 2008

It seems to me that since the death of the Atomic Family (a father, mother and 2.5 kids), more and more often relationships and marriages are ending in similar ways. It no longer seems important to many men who become fathers to act as a "Family Man". It is easy to hear about a woman getting pregnant and having no support. My wife and I hear on a regular basis of some guy we knew back in the day who got so and so pregnant and now refuses to be involved. Even worse is the man who admits to being a father, and still lives as though he is a tomcat. This is the world, seemingly, nowadays. Since these things happen so often, it is becoming more and more "acceptable" and predictable for a man to ignore or refute his responsibilities as an adult male.

I don't understand why this is happening. I am a man. I have a wife. I have a daughter. I have heard the more common excuses- allow me to break them down and tell you why they are unacceptable, and, in the end, nothing more than excuses..

1. Seemingly the most common, "I am not the father!" - Ok, no one's perfect. Maybe this man really did have his girlfriend/wife cheat on him. Guess what buddy? If you could have treated her right, this might not have happened. Think hard about it guys, if this applies to you, what could you have done better? What was it that made her cheat in the first place? Mistakes were probably made- yours led to hers.

2. Another more common one is the "I'm not ready to be a father". Variations of this include complaints about schedules or his own personal plans for the future. This is a response of shock coupled with a private selfishness. A man being selfish is easy to come by but hard to overcome. He must learn to get by this, otherwise he will never be ready to become a real "Family Man." "Not being ready" for something is no excuse to alleviate yourself from even trying.

3. Blame biology. The idea that man is still an animal on the inside. Is this true to form? Does this mean that having a "Y" chromosome means I must act on instinct alone? Of course not. This mentality is bordering obscene. Humanity has been given the gift of intelligence, the ability to make decisions based on facts and emotions. To say that men are biologically programmed to be polygamous is to say that men are incapable of controlling themselves. Everyone is capable of such- the human mind is able to choose: action or inaction?

Now, as I've said, I have a family. I am a family man. Life happened to me, and I accepted it, wholeheartedly. I'm proud of my family and my life with them, and I can't imagine where I would be without them. The point is this: when this change, this new life, was presented to me, I didn't know where it would take me. I didn't know if I would be a good father and husband. What I did know, however, is that I had to try. It was my responsibility to try. It was my duty to try. Now, I'm happy I thought that way. My life is far from perfect, but I would rather have troubles from time to time than to have all the world, interrupted by regret.

In the end, there are plenty of reasons why men have brainwashed themselves into thinking these behaviors are acceptable. These are all just excuses, and, again, are nothing more than that. Men need to step up to the plate and swing away- regardless.

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