by Nikki Barr

Created on: August 12, 2008   Last Updated: January 16, 2011

Without question, those who respond "no" to the notion that children should be responsible for the care of their elderly parents will be seen as callus, uncaring and vacant of any family values; however, I counter that sometimes, it simply isn't appropriate for children to assume this role.

There is a distinct difference between caring for and making arrangements for the care of one's elderly parents. I contend that while I would not provide direct care for my aging parents, I might agree to making some arrangements for their care. As an adult with my own responsibilities and ambitions, I am managing a career and choices that I made and I was raised to make. My very "upbringing" directed me to the course I am on. I do not want the responsibility of another's care-which is why I chose to not have children myself.

Which is really the main point; if one chooses to and wants to, they should provide that care to their aging, eldery parents. It is not beneficial for anyone for children to accept and be obligated for any reason to provide for their parents care when they do not want to. If forced into that situation, the actual care may be compromised. More and more frequently, cases of parental neglect and abuse have surfaced. The obligation to care for these abused parents is always underlying the situation.

Cultural arguments have also made their way into the debate on children's responsibility to care for elderly parents citing a decline in cultural values when this doesn't happen. In a time when cultures have morphed and are not so easily recognizable (especially in the United States) the logic just simply doesn't hold. I understand that at one time, this was an acceptable practice, but that time is an era past. There is value in remembering how past values have impacted our present and shaped us as a people, but to hold onto them simply because we are afraid to let go when then are no longer beneficial makes no sense.

The bottom line is, that in some cases, it is optimal and desireable a choice for children to care for their eldery parents, but it is not their responsibility or obligation. Today's generation must make tough decisions; their responsibility is not to a set of parents but to themselves. Perhaps that is a selfish stance, but I am the first to admit that it is all I can do to care for myself somedays... and at least I am responsible enough to acknowledge that I could not assume this kind of burden, and don't expect others to either.

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