by Barry Girolamo

Created on: August 12, 2008

The most important reason for learning to speak Spanish is so that you can communicate with the illegal's which are working around your house. For instance, what if you want to have your lawn cut a little shorter, and the illegal's have been leaving it too long? How can you tell them to lower the height a smidge? I guess we all know how to say 'No Mas", thanks to Roberto Duran, but we really should be able to use proper grammar when communicating.

Now, let's say that maybe you're a contractor, and you pull up to the local Seven Eleven to get an extra pair of hands for the day, but you need someone who's well versed in masonry work. How the heck are you going to ask the group of illegal's hanging around these establishments if you can't verbalize exactly what it is you're looking for, comprende? I know of one contractor who carries around props so that he can play a sort of charade game with the illegal's so that he can communicate exactly what it is he's looking for. For instance, if he needs a mason for the day, he carries a couple of bricks under his seat, and he breaks them out when needed and pretends that he's stacking them up while hanging out of the window of his pick-up truck. He keeps the truck going at a slow roll, and the first one to jump in the back gets the job. Brilliant. Real American ingenuity. He's told me that word has gotten around with the amigos, and he only gets exactly the right worker for the job he wants done, every time. It saves a lot of time, and the job gets done right. It's a real "Win Win" situation.

I tell you, that Barack really knows what he's talking about. It's an extremely important thing that our future contractors be able to speak the lingo. He's quite the visionary. He really hits on the important issues with perfect solutions. After we come home from work, and the kids are home from school, we should practice a little Spanish with them before dinner. We should demand that they learn how to speak Spanish before we give them a ride to the mall. Obama's idea of teaching our kids to speak Spanish is almost as good as his energy policy of having all of us with cars over-inflate our tires so that we get maximum miles from every gallon of gasoline. He's going to inflate us out of the energy crisis. What a genius. Plus, his energy policy will help the economy by boosting the sale of air compressors. He'll also create more jobs at the same time, because the air compressor factories will need more workers to keep up with the demand. Oh, wait a minute, most of the air compressors are made in Mexico. I got it, we can have a policy where any Mexican wanting to enter the country can do so legally if they strap an air compressor on his back and carry it over the boarder when entering the United States. It will save on transportation expenses for the American owned air compressor companies at the same time, plus it will save the diesel fuel needed to truck the air compressors into this country. See how a good idea just snowballs?

Well, these are just a few of the reasons as to why Obama is correct in saying that our children should learn to speak Spanish. I bet if you tried hard enough, you could come up with some of your own. Why not write about it on Helium? Hasta la vista, baby.

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