by Bernadette Rodriguez

Created on: August 11, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

The fear of letting you go scares me but I know we must depart not forever but for a while. I know your not doing it to hurt me but to take care of our family. Our son will grow up to be the kind of man his father was. I will make sure he knows who you are and what you have done to provide a wonderful life for us. The days are flying by and my heart is growing cold. soon you will be on your way to becoming the best man you can be. I feel that the army is taking you away from me. I don't want to make this all about me but the fear of having to let you consumes me and I lose control. Where will you be? Will you be okay? What if you get hurt? All these questions and no certain answers. Our son, what will he think? He will only be a few months by the time you leave. What do I tell him when he starts asking for daddy? When will you be back? Will you be alright out there? I don't want to let you go. I can't do this on my own. I can't raise our son with out having to worry about you every second of the day. Every night I lay down to sleep I wonder to myself if I am doing the right thing. should I be trying to stop from leaving. Should I fight harder to try an change your mind or do I just let you be and deal with the fear of having to let you go. Even though you will be gone my heart will be with you forever. Why must you put us through this painful goodbye. Why can't we just go with you? Fear is what I feel I must live with for the remainder of my life. Fear of you not returning home safely. Fear of you not being okay. Fear of having to sit around and wait to hear from you and wondering if that will be our last conversation. So now tell me what am I suppose to do? I don't want to live my life as a army wife waiting to see if her husband is coming home or seeing the men pull up in a car holding that letter in their hand saying that your gone. So I'm already living in fear of having to let you go. I should not have to be tossing an turning at night when your laying next to me. The dreams have begun to fade and the nightmares are taking over. when will it all end when will I be free from living in this fear? My heart is breaken a little more each an everyday. I don't want to cry no more. I don't want to always wonder if our time together will be our last. I just want to be able to hold you and love you with out having to worry if that will be the last. I don't want to have to worry weather our son will grow up to know his dad. I want him to know you and spend time with you. I want him to have memories of you and not just know you through pictures and letters. This fear of letting you go is over whelming me and I don't know if I am strong enough to take all this on by myself. The fear of letting you go has now begun to take control of what little energy is left. Just know that forever we will love you and you will be in our hearts always.

Learn more about this author, Bernadette Rodriguez.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.