by Ben Whyman

Created on: August 11, 2008

Since this is The World's Funniest Joke, I thought I would throw in a couple of "Worldwide" jokes. Enjoy!

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Frenchman are walking out in the desert. They come across a lamp, and after gving it a rub, a Genie emerges:

"I am the Genie of the Lamp! I grant you three wishes, however, seeing as there are three of you, I shall grant you but one wish each!"

The Irishman thinks for a moment. He then replies:

"Well I know what I'm wishing for. I wish for all the pubs in Ireland to be open 24 Hours, and to serve free Guinness."

The Genie snaps his fingers, and the Irishman disappears. He appears back in Ireland. All the pubs are open 24 Hours and all serve free Guinness.

The Frenchman makes up his mind next:

"Well, I am from France, and we French, we hate everybody in the world! So what I wish for is for everybody in France who is not French to be kicked out the country, and for everyone who is French and not in France to be returned to the country, and for there to be a mile-high wall around France, so nothing can get in or out!"

The Genie clicks his fingers, and the Frenchman disappears back to France, his wish fulfilled.

This leaves the Englishman with his wish.

"Before I make my wish, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," replies the Genie.

"All the French people are in France?"

"That's correct".

"And everyone not French is outside the country?"

"Yes," confirms the Genie.

"And there is a mile-high wall around the country, stopping anything getting in or out?"

"That's right".

"OK," says the Englishman. "For my wish, fill it with water!"

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An American Navy SEAL walks into a gent's toilet. He sees an English SAS soldier using a urinal. He takes up a position a few urinals down, and does about his business. Shortly afterwards the Englishman starts to walk towards to door.

"Y'know," says the American, in a condescending tone, "In the SEALs they teach us to wash our hands after using the toilet".

The Englishman stops by the exit, looks at the American, and, shaking his head, replies:

"In the SAS they teach us not to p!ss on our hands".

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Two vampires walk into a bar. Upon being served, they ask for two pints of blood.

"Sorry," replies the bartender, "We don't serve that here".

The first vampire decides to go without, however the second one asks:

"I'll have a cup of boiling water then please?"

The bartender obliges, albeit a bit confused.

When the vampire receives the cup, he takes out a used tampon from his jacket, and proceeds to dip it into the boilding water.

The bartender gives him a disgusted looks, to which he replies:

"What? Ever heard of teabags?"

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