by David Armaan

Created on: August 11, 2008   Last Updated: August 13, 2008

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation . . . A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind."
Henry David Thoreau

I have had the opportunity to share the Good the Bad and the Ugly with hundreds of people who have come to cyberspace seeking some level of a romantic connection. The preponderance of anecdotal feedback suggest that most mature daters are seeking to fill a gaping hole in their soul. Of course, many will say they are simply trying out online dating as they are sooo busy- they have been urged on by a friend, or just taking advantage of a free membership.

Some will say they are giving online dating one more chance. However, this writer finds that the underlying reasons are often far deeper. Boomers come to online dating desperately seeking a solution to a nagging problem.

While "Sex in the City" is cute and delightfully upbeat- this is not the reality for most mature singles. Their quest for a true connection is full of doubt, disappointments and is-that-all-there-is moments. Ho hum holidays..."alone-again" New Years, the deafening silence of a empty nester home once animated by rowdy teens ... and birthdays that now come quarterly. ..all conspire to give boomers a very determined mind set.

The gurus will advise against appearing desperate or too available.... but mature daters tend to have a sense of urgency. Most are seeking a singular soulful connection; not just another generic date.

Dating coaches encourage us to be prepared for a bumpy ride and not to have unrealistic expectations. Some say you should have zero expectations, as cyber dating is truly like a box of chocolates. However, the irony is the fact that boomers typically come to cyberspace as a last resort. In their minds...cyber dating is a desperate measure and they want results...NOW.

Careful not to send a potential "soul mate" running for the hills- they attempt to play it cool. However,the mature dater has taken a serious look at the state of their personal lives and knows that a proactive mind set is required.

Achieving goals, obtaining the accouterments of success and slaying all the dragons that life throws at you can never take the place of intimacy with someone who sees you in your fullness. This truism is what drives the mature online dater. He/she has usually been in a satisfying long-term relationship or marriage and clearly is not looking for light fare.

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