by Ronda Claire

Created on: August 11, 2008

About Being Depressed

Awhile back I was in my Yahoo e-mail account and an ad at the side asked, "are you depressed?" indicating to "click here" for information. When I did, and read the symptoms, I found I had all of them, except thoughts of suicide.

On the Saturday of Christmas weekend I received a letter that should have either been delayed or sent days earlier. It was a notice that I'd have to come up with $75 for something that I had understood would either be paid in full or not at all. I had actually two and a half days to come up with money that, had I known earlier in the week I needed, I'd had just days before. Now I had Tuesday and Wednesday, and half of Thursday to come up with $75.

This was near impossible and I went from mad to disappointed, into a severe depression. I didn't care anymore what happened, why or when. I entered a phase where it no longer mattered if I was alive. I now had all the symptoms of Clinical Depression. Though I was not going to do anything irrational, I was in such a mood that I might not have stopped something from happening.

I then fully understood why a depressed person has little problem, leaving a note or not, taking her (his) life. I felt no pain, no guilt, no caring at all. Had something happened to me those left behind would have wondered "what in h...?" and "why?" especially if it was questionable as to whether I chose to go or there was an accident that took me.

The feelings I had for over 10 days were mostly numbness, probably shock to a point and just not giving a care what happened. I thought of special people in my life that might be affected and reasoned that they had their work, friends, family to support them. They'd be ok. I thought of my lovable furry mutts who had "mommy and daddy" and nine others like them. They'd miss me but they, too, would come through this.

It didn't matter. What I really wanted to do was just stay in the house and talk to no one. Watch TV, not especially answer the phone, not care about what others think, not do much other than eat and sleep. No cleaning, no dishes, no laundry. Who cared?

I gained a new perspective on those who commit suicide during this week and a half. As I said, a person that depressed feels no pain or at least I did not. Feels nothing, no hate, no love, no worry no problem. What if I disappeared? Who'd notice? Who'd care?

I guess the point here is if you think someone is depressed, or getting that way, or if you know it don't ignore them. If they talk of death or suicide, even if you overreact, contact someone to watch out for them and do that yourself, as well, if you care about them. Don't leave them hanging. Give them something to plan and think about.

Remember, with me at least, there was no feeling. Wouldn't have mattered a * if a car hit me as I crossed a street. And if worse came to worse, who would care?

Well someone would. And if you're that "someone" to a person, let them know it all the time.

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