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Nonentity

A simple thought ran through my mind. If you want peace, if you want to be free, if you want to be safe from him then just make yourself thinner. He won't see you anymore. Trembling in his arms, trying not to cry and upset him, there was nothing seemed as heavenly as safety. With my invisible thinness I would escape his ever present gaze. I'd slip through the cracks and I would be forgotten. It seemed so real I could taste it. It seemed so right.

When he let me go, I begin the journey with the girl in my head that promised me peace, freedom, and safety. All I had to do was get thinner. At first, our friendship was a good one. She didn't speak to me much. I didn't even notice her there. In fact, I thought the idea was my own. I thought safety could be bought with thinness. She was me and I was her. I could never be thin enough though. She was there to keep me steady and cheer me on. Everyone could see how thin I was. Everyone noticed me disappearing. Every guy and every girl noticed. I would soon be the thinnest of thin ones.

I became thin and thinner still, but safety couldn't be found. He still called. He still noticed me. The thinness wasn't working. The thinner I got the more worried he became. The more worried he became the more afraid I got. I knew that the night would come, that I would leave my room and he would be waiting. The voice was there to remind me that if I only tried harder, then it would work. Maybe I wasn't thin enough. I needed to work harder to get thinner. He said he didn't like me thin. I just had to gross him out more. The voice was right. I was too curvaceous. People out there still liked me. Men still noticed me. My male friends still liked me. It was all because of my curves. They would hate me if I were thin. They wouldn't see me. I needed to be thin.

"Come to think of it, you flirt way too much. You need to stop it. Guys always think you are hitting on them so maybe you need to change that about yourself." The voice told me. I knew she was right so I shut my mouth. If I didn't want people to notice me. I shouldn't talk to them. I should just be quiet. I should just sit in a corner. I should be insignificant. I should be thin.

"You show off too much. You shouldn't act so smart. You are stupid. He liked you because he thought you were smart. You are stupid. You shouldn't pretend to be things you are not. If you acted like you were stupid, he would have never been attracted to you." The voice told me. I realized I had been making

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