Lately I've been pondering over this question at work.
I had a friendly debate with one of cell group members over sms on this topic. Although the smses do not do justice do the argument, my conclusion stands at work & personal does not have to mix'.
I've learnt to separate issues from emotions when things happen. So as much as sometimes I do get my feathers ruffled or my ego bruised, I still maintain that friendships after work is possible even if there are conflicts at work with the same [selected] person.
Yet, after that debate, I continued musing over it & observing the current situation in my office while at work.
Any one situation does not apply to all, it seems. I was good friends with my ex-boss but it never hindered our working together. Not that working with him was difficult or vice versa. My working relations with my other colleagues were also very clearly defined. Most of them were colleagues & not friends but I maintain a friendly disposition towards them. When it comes to work, I am firm but polite & we don't seem to have a problem there.
There are of course, people whom I don't even like as a person. But that's another story altogether.
However, one young colleague is one whom I love to hate. We're friends after work & she would share some of her problems with me & we don't talk shop after work. But at work, she drives me nuts. I find it hard to manage her - she's brash, impulsive, anxious, ignorant yet presumptuous. She's also prideful & likes to teach people what to do - condescending, to say the least. Somehow she got the idea that she knows better. Where she got the idea from, only God knows.
I pondered over it & contemplated on the course of actions I should take. I'd talk to her in a firm manner. But she doesn't like it. I wondered if it'll affect our friendship, ultimately [making God look bad]? Then the question popped up: does work have to be personal?
I do believe that she has issues of her own that she needs to resolve. As a young working person, she needs to know her boundaries. She also needs to be teachable. Someone who is condescending also hints of insecurity in their hearts. On my end, I need to be firm yet gentle with her in the way I handle her. I cannot break her all the time; there must also be a time to build her up.
In the few occasions I had to manage her, I must admit, I did it in the wrong way. Apologising after slapping someone (literally) doesn't make things go away or better. I had my share of being really unreasonable with her in direct reaction with the way she asks for things to be done. Although God don't need us to defend His reputation, I've learnt that I need to be careful in what I say or do to her in future.
I was tempted to distance myself from her as a friend. But remembering the need to love all, I asked God to teach me how to love her.
I'm not doing a good job of it. I'm still struggling & like Jonah, who ran away after being given a task from God, I am tempted to run away from having to deal with this. After all, it is easier just to distance myself. But that would not solve the problem & I do love her as a friend.
I'd really love to see her grow. That has always been something I do with young people. But being in this environment somehow conformed me to become someone who doesn't care. Someone who talks behind the person's back without actually going to the person & resolve those issues.
The recent change in management saw a change in me.
I've become one of those people who indulges in lunch time gossips & joking at someone else's expense. A new colleague joined us, who by normal standards, is a little off-key. Everyone is talking about him & laughing behind his back. Although he doesn't seemed to mind, but I think it's only sooner or later someone fights back. Even a retard has that little bit of dignity he wants to preserve.
In retrospect, I could've been more insistent about not wanting to be a part of it. But the new found clique was a welcoming sign of belonging. I remember God's reminder to be set apart yet I chose to blend in & conform. In order not to be left out, I joined in, adding fuel to fire & not bringing them back to perspectives.
Is this also not drawing my line at work? Has work become personal in this case? If I hadn't been a christian, would it be easier to ignore these things?
My cell group member quoted a line from The Godfather, "work is personal." After having observed myself at work for the past few weeks, I do see that work can become personal if not handled well.
So what will I do about it? I think I will really hold my reins tight & get a grip on myself before I make christians look really bad as it already seems to a lot of people. Because perhaps at the end of the day, the problem may lie with me.