by catherine carrigan

Created on: August 11, 2008

At first
in disbelief, I was
surprised, shocked, stunned
you dropped off my radar
just like that.

No explanation.
No easy answer.
the sound of a page turning.

I waited like one who waits in hope
kept your things for you
dared to call you-
but only once.

you were not there
or were there, but were not there
doesn't matter;

funny how something that might have begun,
something between us that would have helped us

weather each other's storms,
didn't.
abandoned before it grew into life
before it grew into love,
before it grew into a problem for you.

But they were watching you
the old ones,
and the family.
Your every move
calculated or not
recorded, noted, explained.

...and you caved in to them.
you reigned yourself in.
before we could ever ride somewhere together,
freed for awhile at least
from society's constraints.
comments. judgments. gossips.

without ever telling me goodbye,
your silence shouted it.
just like that
you turned the page
leaving me as another chapter finished,
on to the next book.

But I remember who I am again,
knowing you were icing on an unfinished cake
i can see again where i was blind before,
the earth and moon speak to me again.
the darkness is as light.

was it God that kept me from you?
Or God that kept you, from me?

my true soul mate is waiting;
nature abhors a vacuum.
put me back on the shelf where you found me,
he is looking for me now.

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