by TC Crumpton

Created on: August 11, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

In a perfect world, couples would never separate, and if they did, the decision would be mutual. This is rarely the case. Most of the time, one person in the relationship suggests separation or simply leaves. So, how do two scorned individuals establish rules for separation while crossing the boundaries of marriage?

Kelly and Jack promised, "Til death do us part" in 1988. Today, Kelly sits twisting the white indention where she wore her wedding band for twenty years. Jack moved out six months ago with nothing but his clothes. He lives in his brother's extra bedroom while continuing to make the house and car payments as well as supporting their 17-year-old daughter and 10-year-old son. In addition, Jack pays Kelly's salary, health insurance, and transportation expenses since she has been his assistant in the business they built for six years. Jack retains full ownership of the business and Kelly has full custody of the kids.

The terms of their separation agreement are clearly stated in a legally binding contract generated by the family attorney. Kelly returns the contract to the shelf atop her closet. With a hint of sadness in her voice, Kelly explains that even though Jack was unfaithful and he chose to abandon their life together in search of something more, she is proud of the way they handled the situation. "He simply did not want to be here anymore and there was nothing I could do to change that."

Jack insists that Kelly was a devoted wife and is an excellent mother. "I will always take care of her and my children because that is what I signed up for, but I was no longer in love with Kelly." Jack admits he is guilty of infidelity and wishes he had left sooner. "My advice", he says frankly, "Finish one thing before you start another."

Jack and Kelly set rules for their separation beyond legality and finance. They established the boundary of civility but realize they cannot be best friends anymore. Though Kelly loves Jack, she was willing to let him go without attempting to make his life a living hell. "You better believe I got angry. I did not see it coming. I grieved and I still cry when I think of the good times, but I have children to think of and a life to get on with." Jack recognized his fault in the situation and made amends. "Kelly made that house a home and we worked together to make our business successful. I have no right to try and take that from her."

Ben has been married to Laura for eight years. Laura is bipolar, prone to frequent tirades and

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