by William S. James

Created on: August 10, 2008   Last Updated: August 21, 2008

If you are in a bad relationship, you'll know it because the looks of love will change to looks of indifference. The environment of total compatibility will change to a world of combativity. What used to be cooperation within the couple will turn to what can be an air of antagonism. When a relationship is spiraling downward and souring steadily, there reaches a point when you must pull the cord and bail out. The initial shock when the chute opens can be jaw-wrenching, but its either crash and burn, or float peacefully back to earth.

I was in a compatible relationship that was the definition of harmony for four years. We never fought, we both seemed to be satisfied in the bedroom, we had the same tastes, we liked the same music, and we enjoyed each other's company more than anyone else we knew or could think of. The first sign that something was going wrong came in an accumulation of little things. My partner began reacting with anger over the simple everyday tasks that I undertook. If I went to the store, she would get mad because I bought the wrong brand of coffee, or forgot something she wanted. She became very demanding that I do this or that around the house, and she began to insinuate that I was lazy. I was reading the messages loud and clear, she wanted me to change, and she wanted me to change to the person she wanted, or she would not be happy, and my life would be hell.

Change may be good for a political candidate, but when your partner wants you to change how you look, who you socialize with, how you spend your money, that's one thing. But when they want to change who you are, and how you live your life, it is time to leave. Compromise can work for matters of taste, choices about colors, choices about what to eat, or where to drink, where the couch should be in relation to the TV, and even where to live. Being made aware of minor character flaws can be helpful in being a better person. I mean if I stink, I really hope my best friends in the world will tell me, before some stranger is so offended by my fowl odor that he feels the need to comment on it. For that kind of criticism, I would be thankful, but when it comes down to someone expecting me to modify my own personality to one that is their own vision of the type of person they want to be with, you should run out of there as fast as you can. I did.

I know I'm not perfect, I know better, and I also know that I've never met anyone else that I would consider perfect, so I would only hope that nobody would ever expect me to be perfect, anymore than I would expect it from them. I also know I'm not the easiest person in the world to live with, but when I was in that relationship, I was in love, and willing to do my best to create a compatible environment that was based on trust and teamwork. It was really us against them, watching each others backs, getting through life.

I'm a patient person and can let some things slide for a while, but if you keep pushing me, eventually, even I crack. It reached the point where everything I did was wrong, everything I did made her unhappy, and everything I said fueled the flame of argument, I knew it was time to go. This relationship was no longer on the fence. It was out of the ballpark, it was a walk-out home run.

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