by Mary Norman

Created on: August 10, 2008

Oh, that illuminating question- Marital Status. New patient forms, employment applications, insurance documentation- the question seems to be everywhere. Sure, it makes sense for employers, doctors, and insurance companies to know whether you have a spouse out there somewhere; but why on earth does it matter that I was once married, but am now divorced? Divorced is such an ugly word; why can't I just be "single?"

I never thought my life would be what it is today- I was the old-fashioned romantic with a plan to go to college, marry at 35, then give up my lucrative career to raise two perfect children with my perfect, financially successful husband. The Reality- I fell in love, quit school and married a man who loved me back. We had no money and no plan- but it was okay because we were in love. Love conquers all. At 19, I assumed that since my parents had married young and had a wonderful marriage that my own life would take the same path. It wasn't exactly what I had envisioned, but God had chosen to put us together sooner than later- it was meant to be.

Fast forward five years. My husband decides he is too young for the responsibility of marriage. He wanted to be free; I wanted to start a family. At the time, I was devastated. It didn't matter that we barely made the rent each month. It didn't matter that I didn't own a pair of shoes without holes in them. I had made a promise and by God, I was going to make it work- till death do us part. Thankfully, my husband just wasn't that committed. He ran out and found himself a girlfriend then told me about it- knowing that was the one thing I considered unforgiveable. Divorce became the next logical step.

I was so angry back then. How could he do it? It took me several years to realize that while I stubbornly was beating a dead horse- he, in his own way, was more courageous than I. In his navet', he tried to get what he thought he wanted- freedom.

In my own navet', I thought he took from me what I thought I wanted- family. I never did have children, nor have I remarried. But my life today is more blessed than I ever thought it would be back then. My divorce taught me so much about myself, my strength and my relationships with others. I can see where I went wrong as well as he- and surprisingly, I am thankful for the experience. My divorce prompted me to actually do something- I went back to school, found a career I was good at and the confidence to love myself. I don't know if I will ever meet the man for me- and I am okay with the idea that I might not. My friends, relatives and the little people in my life give me the joy of loving and being loved. I have the best of both worlds- freedom and family.

Even though I hate to check that "divorced" box on all those papers, deep down, I am always somewhat proud of that ugly word. My divorce played an integral role in whom I am today, and for that I am thankful. The next time you are asked the dreaded question of marital status, think about it- adversity builds strength, be proud of what you are- divorced.

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