by Tracy Rollins

Created on: August 10, 2008

The dark night of the soul where the mind, will, and emotions seem to be covered by a think cloud of darkness. As truth unfolds I see an enemy of addiction hovering about my sister. How you ever just wanted to scream because your heart was broken? My sister, who is now eighteen, has always been a good girl. She was the one who always proceeded with caution. Now, to my surprise is caught up in a nightmare.

It is the weekend and like all teenagers my sister is ready to go out with her boyfriend. I had already questioned some behaviors surrounding their relationship. (There is 15 years difference in our age, and I have always been a protector of my baby sister.) Her boyfriend arrives to pick her up, and he is high on drugs. The nightmare has begun. I want to wake up and think it is just a bad dream. The fact is it is reality, and it hurts.

My heart felt broken in a million pieces. I wonder what makes a young boy need drugs. Is the pain so intense, or are the wounds so deep, that this seems to be his only relief? Being that I believe prayer changes things, I tell him that I will pray. In his state of mind, he says I don't need you to pray. One thing I have learned in my life is the devil is a liar, and that prayer can change things. I talk to my sister, and I tell her that I am concerned. Drugs bring devastation and heartache. I have seen drugs rip families apart. They are only a temporary fix to a larger problem. Love can hurt so deep. My love for her wants to see her happy, but safe. I don't want her to marry a guy and deal with drug use on a daily basis.

My sister loves her boyfriend more than words can say. Love seems to have blinded her to any rational thinking. I guess the thought of confronting this darkness brings fear to her. Perhaps, she is afraid he will leave her, and never return. There are times when I know she must be screaming on the inside. Can anyone hear her? Does the love of her life scream as well? I wish I could ride in and save the day. After all, I have always been the one she called for "rescue". This is one time; I don't even feel like I have the tools to fix the problem. As the silent screams come forth from the depth of my being. The tears flow, and I cry out to God to perfect the things that concern me. My sister loves, and loves deep; but the love of God is stronger than any enemy force. The chains of addiction may have taken hold of this young boy, but he is about to be free. The prayers of the righteous avail much. I stand with my hands lifted, and say God I surrender all. I have no choice but to bring every thought captive. My thoughts would like to play the worst-case scenario and bring fear. The voices want to remind me of the nightmare I see before me. Free will gives us the power to choose. Life is full of choices. When those we love make bad choices, often it becomes our worst nightmare.

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