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to the heart of a young child are these:

1. Words of sincere praise and affirmation - These are more than flattery and should not be directed nonspecifically toward the child. "You are such a sweet boy," is not an example of positive affirmation. "Thank you for sharing your cars with your brother. Good job!" communicates sincere praise for a positive behavior that should always be reinforced.

2. Rewards that offer opportunities to further engage in activities with caregivers or with others that he is establishing relationships with - Because Timothy, who is five, has successfully followed the kindergarten teacher's morning instructions to stay in line until his turn, he is allowed to choose the classroom group activity for morning recess.

Instant words of praise and immediate rewards that further engage the child are always the best tools for helping him build both a healthy sense of self and the feeling of capability that comes from personal accomplishment.

A child under the age of six has a short attention span and a small frame of memory. So when rewards are delayed he may no longer understand the relationship between the behavior and its reward. It is important then, for rewards to be given as soon as possible.

A preschooler does not have a developed sense of the passage of time and cannot appreciate a reward that he will not receive until much later. When a three-year-old is told that his reward will happen "tomorrow" he cannot comprehend that he will have go to bed and get up before he is rewarded. He will continue to ask when he is going to get the promised reward. Within just a few minutes he will become upset because his gratification has been delayed, or he will simply forget and move on. Either way, the opportunity to reward good behavior has been lost.

Immediately rewarding positive behaviors is perhaps the most significant form of discipline available. While discipline is often associated with the idea of punishment and correction, it is really the process of conforming behavior to an acceptable standard.

A young child responds better when he is rewarded for good behavior than when he is punished for being "bad." Why? The answer is simple. Punishment simply reinforces that a certain behavior is wrong. An older child already knows the difference between right and wrong. Punitive measures are sometimes needed to break the will of a child who is determined to do the wrong thing. A small child however, is still in the process of learning what is right and what is wrong. Because he is so impressionable, the question becomes; what is the best way to impress upon him what is right? The answer? First, let him see you doing what is right. The rest is easy-immediately reward him when he does it too!

Learn more about this author, Dr. Deborah Bauers.
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