by Kristin Jackman

Created on: August 10, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

It was a Wednesday in the middle of July. Seated hundreds of feet in the air, confined to a small twin-engine prop plane, I found myself living my fears... and having fun while doing it. It was also the moment I realized I was in love. His name was "Prince Charming" and even knowing very little about one another, we were immediately drawn in. Him: an introvert with a high IQ and adventurous side. Me: a social butterfly with the desire and dreams to see the world. We were an odd match to many, but found a fit to one another in our own individual ways. It was summer time and we were living life to the fullest.

Now, over two years later, I find myself so indecisive. I believe this to be the point where the future should be in our every-day talks. Marriage? Kids? The two-car garage and white-picket fence? Not exactly. I've been offered a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity 3000 miles away, and a part of me sees it as a sign to move on and say goodbye. Perhaps I've become acquainted with the idea of always knowing that as long as we're in each other's lives, we'll always have that safety blanket to lean back on. And then, as my mind wanders, I wish I was able to just walk away. We don't fight. We don't cheat. To all exterior eyes we are happy, in love, and open to the any and all possibilities that arise in front of us. But to one another, we've become that old couple who sits across from one another at the dinner table talking about how much we love Total cereal (yes, the idea seems fitting even if it was borrowed from a television adult cartoon episode). The spark has fizzled, and the passion and excitement that once engulfed every step he and I took together has all but vanished.

I feel bored, and it wouldn't surprise me if he's on the same wavelength. Neither of us will ever say anything; we have too much invested. I suppose I'm just waiting for a sign, or perhaps for him to change his personality into a wretched being so me breaking it off with him would be justified. He wouldn't... he couldn't.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just taking him for granted. I have only weeks left to make or break one of the hardest choices in my life thus far. Saying "yes" or "no" isn't as easy as it may seem to outside spectators. And asking myself whether or not I would be okay with the idea of not having him there by my side is heart-wrenching. I don't think a friendship would be immediately possible, if at all. It would be hard to see one another romantically involved with someone else, however not having him in my life or me in his would surely be difficult as well.

The fence seems to be quite strong, and I'm stuck straddling it for what feels like an eternity.

Learn more about this author, Kristin Jackman.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.