by lessonlearned

Created on: August 09, 2008   Last Updated: February 08, 2011

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies! Good men are everywhere you look, but ask yourself...

Are you REALLY looking? And did your search start within? Most women say they're looking, but in truth, they are not looking for a good man, they are looking for the PERFECT man!

My wife and I are a testimony to the fact that meeting in a bar CAN work! She "found" me in a bar 10 years ago. She was out with a few girlfriends, and I just decided to grab a beer after a long day at work. She said she didn't even notice me when she came in. One of her girlfriends just happened to say something to me that pulled me into their conversation. Shortly after, they invited me to a private party that they were attending in the back of the club. That's when it happened! Her friends left us at the table...- ALONE. To make a long story short, we talked, and exchanged numbers. She didn't call me for a month. Obviously not love at first sight huh? According to my now wife, she wasn't "looking" for a man. She was perfectly happy on her own. Lucky for me, I did make a good impression, and she did eventually call.

I believe there is a formula to "finding a good man". Follow your gut, follow your heart, and relax your standards.

Your instincts are usually dead on. Women have excellent instincts, but turn them on and off based on how badly they want something. If you meet your guy in a bar, and he's drunk and obnoxiouschances are he will exhibit obnoxious tendencies away from the bar as well. If you find out that you guy has children that he does not support, or barely show interest in them, chances are he will be that way with you and your children eventually. Your gut (or instinct) usually alerts you that you've seen a preview of what's to come. Your search should start from within. Know yourself, and what you really want in a man. In my case, my wife's impressions of me lead her to believe I was mature enough to handle myself in a social setting, and that I was not aggressive in my approach to women. That impression has still proved true to this day.

The heart is a little more complicated. Your heart tends to get you into situations, that your mind has to get you out of. Men love women with a big heart, but we can also spot a woman with a foolish heart. It's ok to love and be loved, but don't sacrifice yourself in pseudo relationships that will only get better in your own mind. If you let a man get away with something once (especially something hurtful), chances are high likely that he will do it again. If you don't value yourself and the relationship, WHY SHOULD HE?

And let's get something straight, its great to have standards! Yes, you should expect certain things from a man. Items should include respect, honesty and loyalty to start. But remember, those things go both ways. It takes time to get to know a person. It takes time to create a friendship, let alone a relationship. If a man is your FRIEND, he will think twice before he hurts or neglects you.

Also, unless you're looking for a momma's boy, make sure your man can take care of himself. A good man knows that he need to have himself together before he can take care of a woman. And on the flip side, a man likes a woman that can take care of herself. We like a confident woman. But remember, there is always a line in the sand! If you try to "act" like you're so confident that you don't need us, it might just backfire on you.

So remember, it doesn't really matter where you meet as long as you are willing to accept the person "AS IS"! The "good man" search starts within. Follow your gut, Follow your heart, and Relax your standards. But most importantly, don't" lay down" too soon, IF you want to be a wife!

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