by Michelle Reed

Created on: August 09, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

I know when our relationship started that we didn't intend to fail, but after almost eighteen years, it is doing just that. When you stand before family and friends and promise to love each other through "sickness or in health", the idea of your relationship being in a state of sickness never enters your mind. You think of bodily afflictions that will cause you pain, suffering or sickness. But when I look back at the beginning of my marriage, I see where it became ill and was left untreated. The pain I feel today, like a hole has opened up in my chest and my heart is missing, causes me more agony than any sickness or disease ever will.

My husband and I are a classic case of opposites attracting. I was born and raised in city settings; he is a pure country boy. We complimented each other personality wise. He has what is called a grandiose personality; you know when he enters a room. I am more quiet and shy and I blend in to a crowd, it never flocks around me. Where I was weak, he was strong, and vice versa.

Our problems started with extended family. Our parents had problems with our choice of spouse. My father and husband clashed so hard that family gatherings were basically non-existent. My mother-in-law I thought was the nicest person at first, her fangs and horns reared up within a short time though. It was always uncomfortable to be around his family after that, and we would often argue and drag our parents into the argument. Over the years his mother quit visiting our home because of me. I was always civil to her, especially when she came to see our children, but after she left I would be called all sorts of names and lies would fly about how I treated her and things I said to her. More heated arguments were started because of this woman than I can even remember. Now that she has moved over thirty miles away, I like to tell people she doesn't visit because her broom won't make it this far.

Money played a key role for most of our arguments and fights. We never seemed to have enough to pay all the bills. Moments when we wanted to do something as a family, or even just the two of us, we couldn't. We have four children; that is a lot of expenses when you buy groceries, clothing, hair cuts, school supplies, etc. We were both putting ourselves last and after a while you become real resentful about it.

Another problem we had was about raising our children. We had completely different backgrounds we learned from, so we clashed on almost every issue concerning the kids. And neither one of us in the beginning were willing to budge. We learned to compromise over the years, but there were always issues and we would start the blame game, which turned into the name game. Little habits and quirks that each of us have, that in the beginning were so cute or tolerable, became the very blades that we cut each other with when we fight.

My grandmother told me that for any relationship to work you have to have communication, consideration and caring. Somewhere along the way, we seemed to have lost all of those. Our families, money, our children, habits, life issues; they all changed us into two people that can barely speak now and we do not like what we have become. We have decided to call it quits before we hate each other so much that it becomes a burden for our children one day when they have family functions, so that we can attend, be civil to each other, and experience our children and grandchildren's achievements. We have tried to keep this from happening, but it happened regardless of counseling and working on finding that "spark" again. We love each other, but we forgot how to love each other as a couple because of so much anger and resentment.

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